Our first cold

I had been hearing stories from other mamas about their babies getting colds, etc and I was just waiting for Eli to get his first cold. Kinda on baited breath- when will it happen? What will it be? HOW will it be? Will he be ok, etc... So we got it. Last weekend- it started with him being very tired and not so happy, then a runny nose, then a deep cough. We have passed the runny nose and just have the deep cough left. His whole schedule including sleeping and eating was off, but today he seemed to be somewhat back to normal. On top of all this he is getting his 2nd tooth in which hurts! :( So its been a double whammy.

But other than that things are going normally. I had wanted to work fulltime next year but I am realizing I don't want to be away from my son everyday, all day. So I am fortunate enough to be in a position to working a couple of part-times job in the Fall to make enough money to pay all my bills, but the big one of daycare (at least $11K/yr) has gone away.

I love love love being with my child. No one else can watch him or care for him as well as I can. I know what works for him, what doesn't, how much he eats, sleeps, etc... I am honored that I can spend these critical years with him, he will never remember them but at least I will have known. The more I grow as a parent, the more I kinda understand it all.

I didn't believe the hype about being fulfilled and priorities changing, but, they are and I half don't know what to do about it and half love it. It's like there is this old me, the single lady who lived alone who had big dreams, traveled alot and the new me, a mother, a caregiver, a provider- I go down in history books as hopefully a grandma, great-grandma,etc. ME. But at the same time I want to be able to do all the old things I did before baby- mainly traveling, but everything kinda changes. The money I would have spent on let's say movies, now goes to diapers (which if you get the Target brand is pretty cheap). It's a everything-that-was-mine is now ours. Its just different... and now, there is college to think about! But not mine, his.

Having said all that there is even more change on the horizon as I hope to go for #2 in next Summer ('10), and have started my maternity insurance, so really if I wanted I could start in March of 2010. Thats essentially 12 months away. I feel like I am going through the same process I did before I had Eli, I am starting to do a big clean/donate/get rid of thing. I am symbolically making room for a 2nd.. and this is all before my 1st even has started crawling!

As I was putting Eli to bed tonight, and he looks at me and smiles and is cute and now really recognizes me and cause and effect and all of that, I was just happy that I had made this choice to be a mother. I can't imagine not ever NOT being a mother.. and as a result I am starting to get the fulfilling thing and thats scary... But fortunately children grow up slowly so you get used to everything on a pace you can handle... But life evolves and I am happy to join this journey as long it allows me to be on it... eek!