29 1/2 weeks

Wow- it's been forever since I last updated!! I guess I can say life is busy with a toddler- which is true! I haven't had as much time this pregnancy to focus on being pregnant more of it being a transition to till the baby is here. I have the nursery mostly set up. I am hoping to get more help once the baby is here and I really need to line that up.. I also have to install the carseat, but other than that I could totally have a baby here tomorrow :) Which of course I don't want b/c the baby has to bake for another 10 1/2 weeks :)

I love feeling the baby kick, and totally wonder what he will be like. I am very excited to meet him, and start integrating him into our lives. I love Eli and his energy now, and how I don't have to carry him around all the time and that he is just so much more independent. I know the time will fly by so I am trying to enjoy his sweet toddlerness before he gets all big and grown and doing things on his own!!

But what else? I start seeing the OB every 2 weeks now until 36 weeks then I go every week, then I deliver (g-d willing) of course! I have another u/s in about 3 weeks to see how Mr. Baby is :)

This time I have rented a heart baby doppler and its nice hearing his heartbeat!! Perhaps the next time I update I could be closer to delivery!!! Eek :)

Hope everyone is well!

14 1/2 weeks

This pregnancy has been different from the first one. I had more time to sit and concentrate on the last pregnancy and it was a really hard one, and because this one isn't as challenging and I have a toddler running around, the attn needed to be devoted just is so much more reduced. I wonder if that is how life is going to be- nothing will get the full attn it deserves? How do people handle so many children? Do some get shafted?? I am the first born so I always felt that I got what I needed b/c I was the first one to go through everything, but what if I was the 2nd or the 5th??

So this pregnancy has had some hot flashes, extreme tiredenss after working, back pains and normal pregnancy stuff. The thing I miss the most is my lack of ultrasounds. I feel that unless I can see the baby then who knows what is going on and its just alot of faith that everything is working right.

There are commercial stores that will let you do ultrasounds if you pay them, but they won't let me come in until I am 16 weeks. I would like to do an ultrasound a month, and even if this means having 1 at my doctors, and 1 at another place and 1 at another place that is my choice :)

I don't accept that I can't have what I want :)

Not a whole ton is new right now, but I wanted to post abt this pregnancy being different. Hopefully I should know the gender very soon. My mom is looking to hire a night nurse for a month afterwards so that should be wonderful as I will totally need it :)

Okay- hope everyone is well!

12w ultrasound

I am finding that this pregnancy is so much different from when I was pregnant with my son. I am not having the same tiredness, exhaustion, etc that I had, and I was waiting for it.. Everyday I was like uh oh tomorrow it will come! And it didn't. However this time I am getting hot flashes and my back is going out a bit more. I thought maybe my back was going out due to weight, but apparently thus far I have lost a lb! So thats good :)

I FB announced it the other day, and made sure to tell everyone who I know and love before that of course. I feel FB is like announcing it in the paper, everyone else should know so I tell them. But I am chugging along on this pregnancy. I am working fulltime so haven't had alot of time to really think about it. I will have alot more time in the Fall, so I can really prep and get ready then.

Otherwise I have tons of thoughts about siblings, and getting them to love each other and be best of friends. But I didn't have that with my siblings, so I feel that I get the perfect opportunity to do the right that I have been wronged by. I probably at this point think that I will only have 2 children, so I want them to be friends, and be there for each other, girl or boy, they can still grow up together and be happy.

I love being a mother and feel blessed that I get to be twice blessed!! I just have to make sure I have more 'me' time.. Not sure how thats going to work but I am sure it will...

So numbers here.. my son just had his 2nd bday party (music themed), and baby in belly is 12 w, 4 d old!! :)

Ultrasound

Had a good ultrasound on Friday. Saw the baby's heartbeat like literally, I could see it on the screen, it was crazy cool. I mean thats so amazing that there is something the size of a bluberry with a heartbeat in me! I am not trying to overthink it or I will go crazy :) So on those lines- I had a stomach bug the last couple of days and that sucked, but I seem to be recovering from it, just weak b/c that is the fun of the first tri. You are just EXHAUSTED all the time.

So taking it day by day literally. And my darling son is starting to show his "two-ness" so sometimes I don't even have moments to think abt being pregnant, but I try to rest when I can!! Tis it for now. And alot of the food I am eating these days taste gross so I am throwing out a ton of food, don't know why that is... But I did make choc choc chip muffins tonight and those were good :)

~7w,1d

Food cravings

I am currently 6w,5d preggers and I am having a major food craving and non of my preg friends are on to listen to me.. So I am gonna blog about it. I want really good pizza and delicious breadsticks. I want thin crust with chunky tomato sauce and a nice cheese. Made in a brick oven with a pizza stone.. Like a REAL pizza should be...

*sigh*

I am going for an ultrasound on Friday at 11:30 to g-d willing hear the heartbeat will let you know after that!! :)

Beta

Sooo, I had my betas this past week, which was 100000% nerve wrecking, but I survived (just barely). My first beta was on Monday at 13dpo and I got a 48.9. Looking back to what I had with Eli, it was nowhere in comparsion. So I kinda freaked for a bit, calmed myself down, freaked some more, then finally 48 (well 42 really) hours later and I did my 2nd beta and it was 107. So thank goddess it doubled. Now this fertility clinic is different from my old one which required 3 betas, then an ultrasound the next week.. This one is just 2 betas, and I don't get an ultrasound until week 7. So I have 2 more weeks to wait until I see a picture of my baby. But honestly I have been paying for everything out of my pocket up to this point I may just ask to see if I can get one upon request..

So I am 5weeks,0days preggers now. Symptoms included burping, tiredness, cravings, and def. nesting. I am doing a ton more cleaning, nesting then I was before. I really like being pregnant. It's a nice feeling. Everything I do and buy for Eli, I now go "well this will be for two!"- it of course justifies my spending, but whateva :)

So thats the latest for now. Will have an ultrasound g-d willing in 2 weeks..

:D

3rd IUI

Well it's been a while since I've updated. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed emotionally in the process so I need some non-retrospective moments. But, I had my 3rd UI. I finally got those smiley face things on the OPKs. I hadn't ever seen them (I don't think), because usually the OPK doesn't work for me. But I was ovulating!!

So I call them frantically the next morning to see if I can have an IUI the next morning, and it just happened to be Easter and they told me they couldn't do it, so I had to wait till Monday. And so then I went on Monday and had my IUI. They told me it was good timing... and I believed them (not really!). But of course they were right.. I took an HPT last night and this morning and apparently I'm pregnant :) :) :) :) :) :)

Of course I still have to do all the betas and make sure I have a sticky baby... But g-d willing, ya know? What will be will be and I will do my best :) I had very little PG symptoms this time other than a stuffy nose, a bit of a hurt stomach and some moodiness, but other than that its been okay so far :)

So again journal readers you are the first to know- if you know me in real life DO NOT POST THIS ON FACEBOOK :)

Yay!!!

No Go on #2

Well, I haven't had Auntie Flo visit yet, but I am 99.99999% sure I am not pregnant this cycle, knew abt 3-4 days ago. No signs, was feeling good, just feeling normal, I was so confident that I wasn't preggers that I started drinking caffeine and lifting heavy stuff again. I am starting a garden which requires alot of muscle so I hope to get this garden plowed and planted w/some cold weather seed before I go into my next 2 week wait.

There are so many options of things to do in life. Just so many. Having a 2nd child is a luxury- it is, many people can't do it for a host of reasons. I don't know what I will do if I can't have a 2nd child, I mean it took me 5 months to have Eli, and I am only ending month #2, but I want to keep at it for a while longer. I am going to end up trying in April and again in May before taking summer off for camp. I don't know.

I am so busy everyday, and I don't know how I feel abt not getting preggers yet. I am not gonna super dwell just quite yet b/c its to soon and to early in my trying to give up. I just need to give myself a break- mentally- abt it all, and just do myself to make my son and I live the fullest life we can each day.

I hope G-d grants me the ability to have a sibling for my child, so we shall just see. I know I have time, energy and muscle on my side so thats good. I think if I were to do something different next cycle is I am going to start walking everyday, even if its only for like 10ish minutes. The weather is slowly starting to come back to normal, and at this rate our spring/summer is only going to be like 6ish months so I want to enjoy as much as I can before it gets cold again!

So I am going to walk everyday, I am going to eat healthy this time around and I think spend more time being in a quiet spots to let my body do the work it needs to...

Acckkk, now Aunt Flo needs to come on Thurs so I can begin again. Woohoo!

3dpo

Well I am 3 days past ovulation (3dpo) various imaginary symptoms of course but will be a good girl and wait to test until Sat/Sunday :) I have 25 HPTs waiting for me so I figure I can test 3xs/day until my next cycle. I mean really part of this trying to get preggers stuff is really all abt having the fun of testing!!

So I FINALLY figured how to tell if a woman is pregnant without them telling you. I have now seen enough women in this state to share the secret.. Hmm, they look sick. They have this white/palish/first trimester look on their face. They ALL do. Like this uncomfortable whirling twirling stomach look.

Then eventually they get their pregger glow back around 2nd tri. Just thought I would share what I learned..

:)

IUI #2

Well I had IUI #2 yesterday, and the doc said that my cervix was the best she has ever worked with!! AKA, ovulation was right there, and my cervix was open and ready to help create a baby! Yayyy, but the sperm numbers were low.. Sooo either it will end up working or not. But it was a super struggle this month to go with my previous notions on when I ovulated, I realllyyy wanted to IUI on Tuesday, but everyone I talked to was like NOO WAIT till you see signs. And I mostly listened to them and waited until Friday.

So I am 1dpo right now. And thus far my imaginary pregnancy symptoms have included, nausea, mood swings, cravings, tiredness, and I am sure a host of others that have gone in/out of my brain all day.. LOL.. yaaaa and I am barely 30 hrs outside the actual IUI itself :)

But I'm proud of me for not testing yet ;) I think I will start testing around Day 9 which will be next Sunday, then will test for the following couple of days until I get my period. The good news abt starting later in my cycle means less days at the end to wait for the period.

Do I think this one is it?? I have no idea really. I hope it is. But I don't know, I am reading everything that either could be there or not there :)

So now you are in the loop :) Wish me baby dust!

Merge of life

So, as I am attempting to try for a 2nd (t-17 days until IUI #2), I am starting to get my pre-baby life back. Eli is 20 months old and so much more "older boy" that I am starting to have the ability to do all my old normal stuff... Which is soo weird b/c I am starting to transition out of babyness. But at the sametime I am doing everything to pull myself back into babyness. I am starting to work more jobs, feeling more comfortable with him attending activities, starting to just be me plus baby..

But, on the other hand am super excited to try again. Its just something I noted and wanted to journal about! :)

BFN #1

Well, this time didn't work. I kinda didn't expect it too so I am not to disappointed. I mean last time it took me 5 mths so why should this time be any different?? Also, there is a HUGE difference btwn those IUIs and these. I already have a child, a beautiful, bright, red headed one. So with the first time it was "will I ever???" and for this one it's "I would love to add to my family" but the intense need isn't as strong. This doesn't mean I am giving up by any stretch of the imagination, but this first time wasn't as crushing.. Of course we will see how I am next month.

Alot of it is timing, and getting it right then hoping it takes! So I will try again in abt 20ish days. Yay!! I am all for the trying and getting it right to add to my family.

In other news, my darling son is starting to show toddler bed signs of readiness, which is both frightening/cool that we are going to a whole other level. On Wednesday I think I am gonna go out and get him one and put it in his room to start to get used to the idea!! Cool huh??

:)

IUI numero uno!

So I had my first IUI of this trying for 2nd child thing yesterday. I had attempted to use OPKs but of course they didn't work me this time anymore than they did last time.. But I thought I would try just in case something happened... So yesterday morning I dropped delicious child off at daycare, went and had an IUI. I arrived abt 45 mins early b/c I just had so much energy and I wanted to sit in the waiting room and relax. I brought my CD player and read Reader's Digest.

I went and had my IUI. 18.8 million sperm- which I think is good :) and now I wait... When I was pregnant last time I accidentially took an OPK on Day 10 I believe which should I was ovulating, but apparently the OPK is more sensitive than an HPT and can show you sooner if you are pregnant. It's not 100% reliable but since I have a ton of OPKs left I will be using them before the HPTs next weekend.

Any signs yet?? Hmm, was craving Mexican today, but other than that everything is normal. What's really interesting to me is that besides being "1dpo" (1 day past ovulation), I am also "1dpc" (1 day past caffeine). Normally I get caffeine headaches but fortunately didn't have any today.

I will be drinking Sprite, and cream soda occasionally when I am lucky enough to be preggers again but no more caffeinated drinks.

This time is different, going for a 2nd child is not the same as going for the first. There is already a living breathing beautiful child who needs/wants loving, so you can't ignore him/her to relax your body for #2, I get very body conscious when I am trying to get pregnant, I won't roll around on the floor or do alot of sudden movements. So I can't do those things w/him but I will try other things...

So I have another 9-10 days to wait until I know for an OPK, then if that looks positive then I will try the HPTs.. Eekk..

Someone wish me baby dust!!!

Closer

So I am getting really close to my starting day! I had my cycle, am on Day 11, and hopefully will be going in on either Weds/Thurs of this week to have my IUI.

I am really trying to present in the situation, monitor my temps, do my OPKs, look for signals and just get the best timing I could. There is alot going on in my life now so if I can just clear the schedule and just have some down time to relax, then I can focus on the task that lay ahead.

I am finding that I am almost having a dejavous type of situation when it comes to the secrecy of having a 2nd. With my first I didn't tell anyone and it caused me to skip friends outtings or go and not do things, and people didn't know why and some got angry. I even lost a friendship because of the whole experience, and I actually see the same pattern emerging as we speak! Someone invited me out during my 2ww especially during the days I need to be relaxing, and I had to say no and I didn't give a good reason so it seems like I am avoiding her, when she is really cool chica.

*ughhh*

So I am going to have rectify that situation with her. And also I got my penpal back from when I was trying the first time and she is trying again for her 2nd just like me and we are within days of each other. We have never met yet we are as "thick as theives."

So this week. I begin again. I should know probably within 10-11 days of the IUI. So not this Friday, but next Friday I should have a bit of a better idea if this month is a success or not. I need one of those AA prayers, the serenity prayers..

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time...

Wish me luck!!! :D

Caffeine

So I haven't had my daily caffeine and well I'm slightly headache-e, and am jittery. I want to scream from the rooftops that I am starting to try for my 2nd child in 2 weeks, but I can't. I can't tell anyone IRL about this. It's hard. I don't want people to get their hopes up but I need a TTC buddy. I have some online friends who I share my stories with but thats it...

oyyyy.

alright at this point we are t-13 days.

Temp dip!

Yay, so my temp dipped today!! Hopefully that means something...

It's almost here!

Holding pattern

So I am in this holding pattern right now basically just waiting (which it seems like is taking FOREVER) to get my next cycle. I then hope to have my first IUI for this child in 15 days after that, and then omg, yay.

I am so ready for this, but I have to wait. Which I guess is good because I am currently trying to renovate the space I am to its bigger/cleaner, etc. Am I ready? Yes. Could it take months? For sure. Last time it took me 5 months. And since I am planning to take the summer off I could not get preggers until Sept.. But, I am ready now.

I went out and bought cheapie pregnancy tests ($1 at the Dollar Store) so I have those on hand. For Eli I bought the pregnancy sticks online, but this time figured I would be more confident (ha!) and buying less might make the need to 'pee on a stick' less...

I've been following a couple of people's TTC blogs, and its like you want to see how they are doing and follow their journey and wish them well. It's all so dramatic.

So hopefully next time I update I will have more news on the process!!

:D