Aloha-like SMC seeking a Bebe

29 1/2 weeks

2010-10-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Wow- it's been forever since I last updated!! I guess I can say life is busy with a toddler- which is true! I haven't had as much time this pregnancy to focus on being pregnant more of it being a transition to till the baby is here. I have the nursery mostly set up. I am hoping to get more help once the baby is here and I really need to line that up.. I also have to install the carseat, but other than that I could totally have a baby here tomorrow :) Which of course I don't want b/c the baby has to bake for another 10 1/2 weeks :)

I love feeling the baby kick, and totally wonder what he will be like. I am very excited to meet him, and start integrating him into our lives. I love Eli and his energy now, and how I don't have to carry him around all the time and that he is just so much more independent. I know the time will fly by so I am trying to enjoy his sweet toddlerness before he gets all big and grown and doing things on his own!!

But what else? I start seeing the OB every 2 weeks now until 36 weeks then I go every week, then I deliver (g-d willing) of course! I have another u/s in about 3 weeks to see how Mr. Baby is :)

This time I have rented a heart baby doppler and its nice hearing his heartbeat!! Perhaps the next time I update I could be closer to delivery!!! Eek :)

Hope everyone is well!

14 1/2 weeks

2010-06-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

This pregnancy has been different from the first one. I had more time to sit and concentrate on the last pregnancy and it was a really hard one, and because this one isn't as challenging and I have a toddler running around, the attn needed to be devoted just is so much more reduced. I wonder if that is how life is going to be- nothing will get the full attn it deserves? How do people handle so many children? Do some get shafted?? I am the first born so I always felt that I got what I needed b/c I was the first one to go through everything, but what if I was the 2nd or the 5th??

So this pregnancy has had some hot flashes, extreme tiredenss after working, back pains and normal pregnancy stuff. The thing I miss the most is my lack of ultrasounds. I feel that unless I can see the baby then who knows what is going on and its just alot of faith that everything is working right.

There are commercial stores that will let you do ultrasounds if you pay them, but they won't let me come in until I am 16 weeks. I would like to do an ultrasound a month, and even if this means having 1 at my doctors, and 1 at another place and 1 at another place that is my choice :)

I don't accept that I can't have what I want :)

Not a whole ton is new right now, but I wanted to post abt this pregnancy being different. Hopefully I should know the gender very soon. My mom is looking to hire a night nurse for a month afterwards so that should be wonderful as I will totally need it :)

Okay- hope everyone is well!

12w ultrasound

2010-06-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

I am finding that this pregnancy is so much different from when I was pregnant with my son. I am not having the same tiredness, exhaustion, etc that I had, and I was waiting for it.. Everyday I was like uh oh tomorrow it will come! And it didn't. However this time I am getting hot flashes and my back is going out a bit more. I thought maybe my back was going out due to weight, but apparently thus far I have lost a lb! So thats good :)

I FB announced it the other day, and made sure to tell everyone who I know and love before that of course. I feel FB is like announcing it in the paper, everyone else should know so I tell them. But I am chugging along on this pregnancy. I am working fulltime so haven't had alot of time to really think about it. I will have alot more time in the Fall, so I can really prep and get ready then.

Otherwise I have tons of thoughts about siblings, and getting them to love each other and be best of friends. But I didn't have that with my siblings, so I feel that I get the perfect opportunity to do the right that I have been wronged by. I probably at this point think that I will only have 2 children, so I want them to be friends, and be there for each other, girl or boy, they can still grow up together and be happy.

I love being a mother and feel blessed that I get to be twice blessed!! I just have to make sure I have more 'me' time.. Not sure how thats going to work but I am sure it will...

So numbers here.. my son just had his 2nd bday party (music themed), and baby in belly is 12 w, 4 d old!! :)

Ultrasound

2010-05-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

Had a good ultrasound on Friday. Saw the baby's heartbeat like literally, I could see it on the screen, it was crazy cool. I mean thats so amazing that there is something the size of a bluberry with a heartbeat in me! I am not trying to overthink it or I will go crazy :) So on those lines- I had a stomach bug the last couple of days and that sucked, but I seem to be recovering from it, just weak b/c that is the fun of the first tri. You are just EXHAUSTED all the time.

So taking it day by day literally. And my darling son is starting to show his "two-ness" so sometimes I don't even have moments to think abt being pregnant, but I try to rest when I can!! Tis it for now. And alot of the food I am eating these days taste gross so I am throwing out a ton of food, don't know why that is... But I did make choc choc chip muffins tonight and those were good :)

~7w,1d

Food cravings

2010-05-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

I am currently 6w,5d preggers and I am having a major food craving and non of my preg friends are on to listen to me.. So I am gonna blog about it. I want really good pizza and delicious breadsticks. I want thin crust with chunky tomato sauce and a nice cheese. Made in a brick oven with a pizza stone.. Like a REAL pizza should be...

*sigh*

I am going for an ultrasound on Friday at 11:30 to g-d willing hear the heartbeat will let you know after that!! :)

Beta

2010-04-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sooo, I had my betas this past week, which was 100000% nerve wrecking, but I survived (just barely). My first beta was on Monday at 13dpo and I got a 48.9. Looking back to what I had with Eli, it was nowhere in comparsion. So I kinda freaked for a bit, calmed myself down, freaked some more, then finally 48 (well 42 really) hours later and I did my 2nd beta and it was 107. So thank goddess it doubled. Now this fertility clinic is different from my old one which required 3 betas, then an ultrasound the next week.. This one is just 2 betas, and I don't get an ultrasound until week 7. So I have 2 more weeks to wait until I see a picture of my baby. But honestly I have been paying for everything out of my pocket up to this point I may just ask to see if I can get one upon request..

So I am 5weeks,0days preggers now. Symptoms included burping, tiredness, cravings, and def. nesting. I am doing a ton more cleaning, nesting then I was before. I really like being pregnant. It's a nice feeling. Everything I do and buy for Eli, I now go "well this will be for two!"- it of course justifies my spending, but whateva :)

So thats the latest for now. Will have an ultrasound g-d willing in 2 weeks..

:D

3rd IUI

2010-04-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a while since I've updated. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed emotionally in the process so I need some non-retrospective moments. But, I had my 3rd UI. I finally got those smiley face things on the OPKs. I hadn't ever seen them (I don't think), because usually the OPK doesn't work for me. But I was ovulating!!

So I call them frantically the next morning to see if I can have an IUI the next morning, and it just happened to be Easter and they told me they couldn't do it, so I had to wait till Monday. And so then I went on Monday and had my IUI. They told me it was good timing... and I believed them (not really!). But of course they were right.. I took an HPT last night and this morning and apparently I'm pregnant :) :) :) :) :) :)

Of course I still have to do all the betas and make sure I have a sticky baby... But g-d willing, ya know? What will be will be and I will do my best :) I had very little PG symptoms this time other than a stuffy nose, a bit of a hurt stomach and some moodiness, but other than that its been okay so far :)

So again journal readers you are the first to know- if you know me in real life DO NOT POST THIS ON FACEBOOK :)

Yay!!!

No Go on #2

2010-03-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't had Auntie Flo visit yet, but I am 99.99999% sure I am not pregnant this cycle, knew abt 3-4 days ago. No signs, was feeling good, just feeling normal, I was so confident that I wasn't preggers that I started drinking caffeine and lifting heavy stuff again. I am starting a garden which requires alot of muscle so I hope to get this garden plowed and planted w/some cold weather seed before I go into my next 2 week wait.

There are so many options of things to do in life. Just so many. Having a 2nd child is a luxury- it is, many people can't do it for a host of reasons. I don't know what I will do if I can't have a 2nd child, I mean it took me 5 months to have Eli, and I am only ending month #2, but I want to keep at it for a while longer. I am going to end up trying in April and again in May before taking summer off for camp. I don't know.

I am so busy everyday, and I don't know how I feel abt not getting preggers yet. I am not gonna super dwell just quite yet b/c its to soon and to early in my trying to give up. I just need to give myself a break- mentally- abt it all, and just do myself to make my son and I live the fullest life we can each day.

I hope G-d grants me the ability to have a sibling for my child, so we shall just see. I know I have time, energy and muscle on my side so thats good. I think if I were to do something different next cycle is I am going to start walking everyday, even if its only for like 10ish minutes. The weather is slowly starting to come back to normal, and at this rate our spring/summer is only going to be like 6ish months so I want to enjoy as much as I can before it gets cold again!

So I am going to walk everyday, I am going to eat healthy this time around and I think spend more time being in a quiet spots to let my body do the work it needs to...

Acckkk, now Aunt Flo needs to come on Thurs so I can begin again. Woohoo!

3dpo

2010-03-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

Well I am 3 days past ovulation (3dpo) various imaginary symptoms of course but will be a good girl and wait to test until Sat/Sunday :) I have 25 HPTs waiting for me so I figure I can test 3xs/day until my next cycle. I mean really part of this trying to get preggers stuff is really all abt having the fun of testing!!

So I FINALLY figured how to tell if a woman is pregnant without them telling you. I have now seen enough women in this state to share the secret.. Hmm, they look sick. They have this white/palish/first trimester look on their face. They ALL do. Like this uncomfortable whirling twirling stomach look.

Then eventually they get their pregger glow back around 2nd tri. Just thought I would share what I learned..

:)

IUI #2

2010-03-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

Well I had IUI #2 yesterday, and the doc said that my cervix was the best she has ever worked with!! AKA, ovulation was right there, and my cervix was open and ready to help create a baby! Yayyy, but the sperm numbers were low.. Sooo either it will end up working or not. But it was a super struggle this month to go with my previous notions on when I ovulated, I realllyyy wanted to IUI on Tuesday, but everyone I talked to was like NOO WAIT till you see signs. And I mostly listened to them and waited until Friday.

So I am 1dpo right now. And thus far my imaginary pregnancy symptoms have included, nausea, mood swings, cravings, tiredness, and I am sure a host of others that have gone in/out of my brain all day.. LOL.. yaaaa and I am barely 30 hrs outside the actual IUI itself :)

But I'm proud of me for not testing yet ;) I think I will start testing around Day 9 which will be next Sunday, then will test for the following couple of days until I get my period. The good news abt starting later in my cycle means less days at the end to wait for the period.

Do I think this one is it?? I have no idea really. I hope it is. But I don't know, I am reading everything that either could be there or not there :)

So now you are in the loop :) Wish me baby dust!

Merge of life

2010-02-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

So, as I am attempting to try for a 2nd (t-17 days until IUI #2), I am starting to get my pre-baby life back. Eli is 20 months old and so much more "older boy" that I am starting to have the ability to do all my old normal stuff... Which is soo weird b/c I am starting to transition out of babyness. But at the sametime I am doing everything to pull myself back into babyness. I am starting to work more jobs, feeling more comfortable with him attending activities, starting to just be me plus baby..

But, on the other hand am super excited to try again. Its just something I noted and wanted to journal about! :)

BFN #1

2010-02-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well, this time didn't work. I kinda didn't expect it too so I am not to disappointed. I mean last time it took me 5 mths so why should this time be any different?? Also, there is a HUGE difference btwn those IUIs and these. I already have a child, a beautiful, bright, red headed one. So with the first time it was "will I ever???" and for this one it's "I would love to add to my family" but the intense need isn't as strong. This doesn't mean I am giving up by any stretch of the imagination, but this first time wasn't as crushing.. Of course we will see how I am next month.

Alot of it is timing, and getting it right then hoping it takes! So I will try again in abt 20ish days. Yay!! I am all for the trying and getting it right to add to my family.

In other news, my darling son is starting to show toddler bed signs of readiness, which is both frightening/cool that we are going to a whole other level. On Wednesday I think I am gonna go out and get him one and put it in his room to start to get used to the idea!! Cool huh??

:)

IUI numero uno!

2010-01-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

So I had my first IUI of this trying for 2nd child thing yesterday. I had attempted to use OPKs but of course they didn't work me this time anymore than they did last time.. But I thought I would try just in case something happened... So yesterday morning I dropped delicious child off at daycare, went and had an IUI. I arrived abt 45 mins early b/c I just had so much energy and I wanted to sit in the waiting room and relax. I brought my CD player and read Reader's Digest.

I went and had my IUI. 18.8 million sperm- which I think is good :) and now I wait... When I was pregnant last time I accidentially took an OPK on Day 10 I believe which should I was ovulating, but apparently the OPK is more sensitive than an HPT and can show you sooner if you are pregnant. It's not 100% reliable but since I have a ton of OPKs left I will be using them before the HPTs next weekend.

Any signs yet?? Hmm, was craving Mexican today, but other than that everything is normal. What's really interesting to me is that besides being "1dpo" (1 day past ovulation), I am also "1dpc" (1 day past caffeine). Normally I get caffeine headaches but fortunately didn't have any today.

I will be drinking Sprite, and cream soda occasionally when I am lucky enough to be preggers again but no more caffeinated drinks.

This time is different, going for a 2nd child is not the same as going for the first. There is already a living breathing beautiful child who needs/wants loving, so you can't ignore him/her to relax your body for #2, I get very body conscious when I am trying to get pregnant, I won't roll around on the floor or do alot of sudden movements. So I can't do those things w/him but I will try other things...

So I have another 9-10 days to wait until I know for an OPK, then if that looks positive then I will try the HPTs.. Eekk..

Someone wish me baby dust!!!

Closer

2010-01-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

So I am getting really close to my starting day! I had my cycle, am on Day 11, and hopefully will be going in on either Weds/Thurs of this week to have my IUI.

I am really trying to present in the situation, monitor my temps, do my OPKs, look for signals and just get the best timing I could. There is alot going on in my life now so if I can just clear the schedule and just have some down time to relax, then I can focus on the task that lay ahead.

I am finding that I am almost having a dejavous type of situation when it comes to the secrecy of having a 2nd. With my first I didn't tell anyone and it caused me to skip friends outtings or go and not do things, and people didn't know why and some got angry. I even lost a friendship because of the whole experience, and I actually see the same pattern emerging as we speak! Someone invited me out during my 2ww especially during the days I need to be relaxing, and I had to say no and I didn't give a good reason so it seems like I am avoiding her, when she is really cool chica.

*ughhh*

So I am going to have rectify that situation with her. And also I got my penpal back from when I was trying the first time and she is trying again for her 2nd just like me and we are within days of each other. We have never met yet we are as "thick as theives."

So this week. I begin again. I should know probably within 10-11 days of the IUI. So not this Friday, but next Friday I should have a bit of a better idea if this month is a success or not. I need one of those AA prayers, the serenity prayers..

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time...

Wish me luck!!! :D

Caffeine

2010-01-14T17:52:00.000-08:00

So I haven't had my daily caffeine and well I'm slightly headache-e, and am jittery. I want to scream from the rooftops that I am starting to try for my 2nd child in 2 weeks, but I can't. I can't tell anyone IRL about this. It's hard. I don't want people to get their hopes up but I need a TTC buddy. I have some online friends who I share my stories with but thats it...

oyyyy.

alright at this point we are t-13 days.

Temp dip!

2010-01-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

Yay, so my temp dipped today!! Hopefully that means something...

It's almost here!

Holding pattern

2010-01-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

So I am in this holding pattern right now basically just waiting (which it seems like is taking FOREVER) to get my next cycle. I then hope to have my first IUI for this child in 15 days after that, and then omg, yay.

I am so ready for this, but I have to wait. Which I guess is good because I am currently trying to renovate the space I am to its bigger/cleaner, etc. Am I ready? Yes. Could it take months? For sure. Last time it took me 5 months. And since I am planning to take the summer off I could not get preggers until Sept.. But, I am ready now.

I went out and bought cheapie pregnancy tests ($1 at the Dollar Store) so I have those on hand. For Eli I bought the pregnancy sticks online, but this time figured I would be more confident (ha!) and buying less might make the need to 'pee on a stick' less...

I've been following a couple of people's TTC blogs, and its like you want to see how they are doing and follow their journey and wish them well. It's all so dramatic.

So hopefully next time I update I will have more news on the process!!

:D

I'm ready

2009-12-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

So I've cleaned, I've prepped, I've bought my last minute supplies and have actually started to eat somewhat healthier. I need to work on my sodium though, and just really try to block out all stress but, I'm ready.

So I guess we just wait for my next chance (which won't be for another couple of weeks), and then who knows.

:)

*here's to having faith and just closing my eyes and jumping right into the unknown*

Where I am now

2009-12-21T16:25:00.000-08:00

Okay- so I am about to turn in somemore paperwork, then next cycle will be doing more bloodwork, an ultrasound..

Then I have some additional administrative stuff then its time. Eekkk. I have been super cleaning, and it seems in the process I have more of a mess so I need to remedy that situation.

I am going to really attempt to destress this time around. I've purchased candles, bought a robe, and am working on the feng shui of my room. I want everything to be comfortable and inviting so I can just rest in btwn watching Eli :) In btwn the procedure of getting pregnant, called an IUI, I have two weeks to wait.. Its called the "two week wait" and in my opinion resting your body, eating fattening foods and overall just being positive is a good thing.

I feel already that I am going to be disappointed if I don't get pregnant the first time, b/c I am pinning alot on it, but I know the older you are the harder it can be. I plan to take the summer off so I have four chances before I take a break. It took me five months with Eli so I don't know why I think it will happen any quicker this time, but I feel like am I ready? will i ever be ready? will I be okay with a toddler and being pregnant? I was so careful the first time around and this time I have a child who needs to be picked up and eeekkkk.

But I am just going to do the best I can and hope for the best and have faith in the world :)

Wish me luck!

Set back, then back on track

2009-12-04T05:31:00.000-08:00

Well I realized I hadn't posted in a while so wallah! I went to my first appt at the fertility clinic for child #2 and it went surprising the same as it did for #1. Like the same questions, answers, procedures, which is funny just more expensive this go around!! Because I had already done alot of the tests for child #1 I am able to bypass though which is good...

So after that I got my records sent done from DC, started on bloodwork for #2, and just have more bloodwork I need do at another point in time along w/an ultrasound to make sure everything is still working well "down there." I have to say they are extremely thorough and if you ever had a question about your health previous to having a child I would work with a fertility clinic b/c they take some of the risk away b/c you are just tested for so much!!

So when I had my initial bloodwork done I came back with a low thyroid number basically I was .001 off the lower end of the scale, so they had me retake it and everything was fine- I was smack dab in the middle of the scale this time so crisis averted!

One of the reasons I want to have #2 now is really as you get older there are just so many chances for things to happen its really crazy, so the sooner the better!

So basically I need to make sure all my records get to the right place which will be my job for this month b/c alot of people have off for the holidays and its generally hard to get records sent anyways :)

Then next months goal is to have more bloodwork and the ultrasound, and G-d willing in Feb... well who knows ;) I am really being smarter this time and not just rushing with trying to get pregnant. As much as I want to do it now, its going to cost me almost twice as much each time and I don't have the luxury of wasting it. So I have to give myself the best shot I have when trying to get pregnant.

I took some time off w/my prenatal vitamins but am back doing so, and am charting my temps in the morning to help refigure out ovulation. Sooo I am kinda in a countdown again :) So woohooo :D

Tomorrow.. ekkk

2009-11-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

So at this point I drop Eli off at preschool, then I head a bit downtown and wallahh!! I go to my first appt for 2nd child.. Eeekkk. I want to start in the Spring as my insurance dictates I must, but I figured I can do as much groundwork as I can prior to my insurance so I can get off the ground running.

Eli had a tough day today with 3 teeth coming in and it was hard. He was crying hysterically for like an hr before I gave in and gave him his first every baby medicine (that wasn't an antibotic). But he needed to have something to numb the pain. But I wanted until he was almost 17 months so that is good. He slept for like 2hrs solid and then was his old self again which made me happy. But he has to be able to get through the whole teething thing and the whole walking thing before I have my 2nd child (g-d willing).

To me the really good thing is that I am so much more assured and confident abt this 2nd round. I know what to expect and what I need to do, and where I need to go. It's like I have been given the answer key now I just need to take the quiz! The good news is that Eli will be at least 2 1/2-3 before I have the next baby so he will be older and wiser ;)

So tomorrow, I take my first pre-natal, have my first appt., and soon start everyday monitoring my temps and I begin again. The time is now (well, almost now, but not just quite yet :) )

Making progress

2009-10-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

Eli has started walking!! Albeit one step here, one step there but at least its progress. I am not going to mark it down in the baby book though until I see at least a 3-4 step consecutive thing happening. He now points to pretty much everything and goes "what's this?" and then "what's this?"- I think its a good positive step towards enriching vocabulary and him learning what everything is.

I have started to make some headway on my storage space- ritual cleansing for next baby- and that feels good. I made a firm 'to do' list of things I felt needed to be done before I could even try before next baby. So I am making headway on that and frankly I won't start trying if those aren't done because these things involve alot of physical labor I simply won't do when I am pregnant. So I either do them now or wait for a yr! Ha- and that's not going to happen.

It's really interesting as I am cleaning my stuff out I am going through older versions of myself. I know where I got a bunch of my books/records and I am really facing the question of to donate or not. It's like letting go of parts of me, but I have to realize I am an evolving person and those parts don't necessarily reflect who I am becoming (a mother). And all these things I give away I can get again somehow through a library or Netflix or online, but its still hard. I am at an odds with it. But I just have to beleive that these things will go to better homes than I can currently give them. My motto is going to be if I don't have space for them now, I am not going to have space for them in the future. And since Eli won't appreciate some of my books until you know he's 20, I doubt that I will have much time to pursue them...

Like I said its a work in progress but one I am happy that I am doing now :)

Double stroller

2009-10-04T19:46:00.001-07:00

So it's been a bit since I last wrote- alot of contemplating, alot of just being and alot of "what ifs." A friend of mine cosmically aligned me (not knowing it of course) by getting a double jogging stroller. I was at my fav place to shop- Goodwill that is, and there it was just sitting there waiting, a perfectly good working double jogging stroller, for $30. It took me about 5 seconds to snap it up before anyone else did. By buying this stroller I have put one foot in front of the other to begin to prepare for another child.

Eli is doing well, thank g-d. He still isn't walking, but always always on the verge of it. Like today he was standing reaching out for a toy and you could see he wanted to step over and reach it, but he stopped himself and sat on his tush instead. So we are there, I am practicing walking with him, but hopefully he will get it soon. He has 8 teeth in, and I guess at some point supposed to get molars in? Not sure abt that one, and we are working on speech.

People tell me that the big '18 months' is when the real toddler stuff begins. Its the place where they can't tell you what they want meets the fact that they will get what they want whether you can help them or not. I got a glimpse of that today when we were at Michaels and Eli was grunting/pointing towards something. And I was standing next to a wall of things and wasn't sure what he wanted. So I started offering him this and that, and finally we got to the markers, and I gave him one and he gave me a big smile. But in those in btwn 30 seconds it was hard!! I just hope that I have enough patience and kindness to do what is right in the moment and survive it/teach it/help him figure out the words to say what he wants.

I have begun tracking my temps for try #2. I started last month. I have a "lady appt" later this month with the midwife that I gave birth with Eli to. I am starting to get prices abt the costs of 'the procedures' and just starting to restart. The main difference this time vs last is I am fully versed in the what I need to do in order to start. There won't be as much wondering abt next steps, and more being proactive to make sure those steps are accomplished right.

I have a semi veil of secrecy over the when and how of it all. I intend to divulge some truths but not all. I can tell you it will be months before I begin- but not that many ;) The beginning is not just a get in the car and drive, but more of 'passing tests' to get a drivers license to get to drive type of thing. So its a process. One I do not want to rush. This g-d willing will be my last child for now (or ever???) and I want to be purposeful, knowledgeable and conscious abt every step I take.

It's hard having a total veil of secrecy when one lives with their family, but I will do what I can to the best of my ability without sharing so much. I am a big believer in the 'wait till 12 week' thing before you tell people you are pregnant, but when living with family I am not going to want to lift or do anything to strenous, so I am going to need their help which will be a dead giveaway of course :)

To be truthful to the blog world, I am nervous. Having one is a fulltime job, and at night when my son goes to bed I am off. I have a good 12 hrs before I am back on duty. The second I deliver, I am on again. 2 babies. Eli will be a bit older- not to much though, but womyn have done this before and will do it again. I just want my children (g-d willingly) be close to each other....

Having said that in my uber long post, I have begun my ritual cleansing in prepartion for baby. It's my multi month clean out of stuff which essentially allows the universe to give space for something new. I did it for Eli, and now I am doing it again. I have/had abt 15 boxes still unpacked and I realized these things in the boxes that I have now not touched for over a yr and a half are probably not doing me any good in the boxes. And that space it is holding up is precious space. So I am cleaning and donating and getting rid of the boxes.

I want to update more on this blog as the months progress, perhaps after my 'lady appt' later this month to make sure everything looks good. The weight ticker never worked so I shan't try it again!! But, nevertheless its on my mind and I have been doing little things to try to change my eating habits. Will it work? Only time will tell...

Alright- ciao for now!! :)

14 months, preschool, and starting again

2009-08-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Well Mr. Eli is doing great at 14 months. We are actively climbing (finally installed those baby gates), can stand up pretty much on anything, crawls like a mad man.. We aren't standing on our own or walking on our own yet but I do a TON of holding him so I don't know if it will just happen normal or slightly delayed because of that. He is a very social young gentleman.. He often likes being apart of the crowd and just really loves it- which is wonderful!

He is in daycare two mornings a week now which is just perfect for him and I am glad that I am able to give him this opportunity. I love everyone there so I am not to worried when I leave :) He had a great summer, so I am hoping for an excellent school year. He is such a sweet, funny, cute little guy- what an honor and privilege I have being his mother :)

Having said that, I have begun my countdown to restart the process for child #2. There is a bit of a fervor on my side because I just can't go and get pregnant I need to lose weight first. So I joined Weight Watchers, again. This time I am actually going to go to meetings, and do it online, so hopefully it will be helpful. I hope to restart the process in February so I have 170ish days... So can I lose 60 lbs in that time??? Probably not, but I can at least put a dent in this weight loss thing :)

Here is my ticker:

I will update on how the weight loss goes, and how Mr. Eli is doing. I am just taking everyday and trying to not feel guilty overall as a mother (which I am sure will stay with me a lifetime) and do the best I can. I think that is all I can really ask of myself. These next couple of weeks will be about cleaning out my space for another pregnancy/child (g-d willing), and losing weight and just preparing overall.

Have a great week! :)

13 1/2 mths

2009-07-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Wow- I haven't updated in a while! Well...So Eli has had an AWESOME summer at daycare. Like amazingly amazing. The caregivers are incredible. I peeked on Eli being rocked to sleep in a seperate room by one of his caregivers, and she had put a blanket on him and was kissing his head and was rocking in a rocking chair. It was rockstar material. So I have loved it.. It's been great. At this point I have him going back in February when I starting trying for 2nd child.. But until that point, I decided that I wanted to homeschool him b/c he needs a bit of structure now otherwise he just spends his time crawling around, and its not fun.

So I am starting to brainstorm ideas. I visited the education store "Schoolbox" and have gotten some ideas from there. This weekend/next week I am going to start making little boxes with 'music', 'art', 'dance', 'reading', 'gym', 'water', 'cooking, etc.. Then each week we are going to have a theme, and corresponding to that theme we are going to have a field trip.. Each week is to not cost more than $50 in supplies, field trip costs. This way we are both exposed to new things, and we both can get out and have fun!

I am starting an excel sheet with lists of places we can go and how much it costs to go there. This weekend with our synagogue playgroup we are going to a toddler indoor playground- apparently there are least a half dozen places like that in the area. I had wanted to sign up to music classes, gymboree classes, but I don't want to beholden to any one particular thing each week. We already have free 1x week playgroup at the JCC which I will be going to (b/c that's where his daycare is and where he will go back to). So thats my latest news...

I am SUPER excited. I like the idea that we can explore these ideas together and we can see what works and doesn't. He is able now to appreciate somewhat these things, but now that his language skills are taking leaps and bounds I know that it will be worth it...

Sooo if you recall I had wanted to limit TV- so how am I doing?? Well, we are doing GREAT! The only time I let him watch TV is abt 5 mins at the beginning of a meal so he can focus on something else while I finish making meals. In abt a week Eli is finished with daycare so it will alot of house time again, but now that I am structuring it hopefully we won't fall into a TV routine. At this point he doesn't watch any. I am glad that someone donated the Baby Einstein DVDs to me instead of me buying it b/c I haven't even opened them. I feel like he will learn so much more abt life and people and society by observing (which he loves doing).

:D Thats it for now- g-d willing my next post will be about the adventures we have been on!!

1 yr old!!

2009-06-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

So my baby is 1 yr old. We had a wonderful birthday party with family and some of his friends.. I did an activity for the kids, I went out and bought card stock from Michaels for 29 cents/piece and a $7 ink pad and we did handprint and footprints, then named and dated it. I thought it was a cute piece that could be framed or stuck on the fridge for a while.. Then each of the kids had mini cupcakes with frosting, then we did gifts. I was so proud of me- I bought special balloons, tableclothes, bio-degradable forks, spoons- I loved it so much I left it up his whole bday week.

I love that he is 1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he eats all solids and no baby foods. We are still on 3 bottles/day but I am working to psychologically accept 2 bottles/day. I am supposed to be replacing his formula bottles with milk sippy cups. But he is only 1 yr, 1 week old, so I had a bit of slack on that. My guess is in abt a week or so I am going to take his total middle bottle and put it in the sippy cup and do half milk, half formula.

We have 6 teeth, are close to standing, crawling like a champ- no more commando crawling for him. He likes to play with everything- so much more interactive. Still loves the outdoors. Its very cute. I had been so panicked and worried abt him going into daycare but beyond those first couple of days he has been really good and I am glad that it is working out so well. I am not ready to give up my SAHM status yet, but at least I know he can handle it.

Back to the food thing- you don't realize how awesome it is eating out with a toddler who has teeth vs a baby who could only eat whatever jar of food you brought and had to hand feed. I remember a story a mama told me once abt how she hand fed her baby and now at 4 he still demands it. And so I totally refuse to that, b/c that is how he is with his bottles. So basically I take whatever we are eating (or order off the kids menu), cut it into bite size pieces and hand it to him to feed himself or just put 2 or 3 down for him to pick it up and eat it.

I have to go now but hope to continue this later!!

Here is a 1 yr old pic :)

commando crawling, wanting to pull up

2009-05-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well here we are at a shiny 11 1/2 months!! My baby boy is almost a year old. I really haven't time to reflect on that, so I will just give stats. We have 4 teeth all the way in and we are working on #5-7 right now. I can see 5, and 6 peeking through. We have been commando crawling since 10 1/2 months, and as of late he has been starting to get on knees and try to lift himself up on things. I feel its gonna happen soon- uh oh!! B/c after that is walking- my baby walking.. Totally weird!

In terms of talking we say "daddadadada" and "mamamamamma" and "yea" and "le-ah" and various other things. I am starting (and by starting meaning did it tonight) to do what things are (this is your nose, this is your ear, etc), so as he is learning his sounds, he can connect them to things.

He loves to be social, but still has a bit of seperation anxiety. I know I have a full blown case of it, I hate when strangers come up and try to talk to him, touch him, etc. We easily get stopped 5-10xs/day for people commenting on his red hair, and I don't truly enjoy it, but am learning to live with it!!

He now crawls everywhere and opens/touches everything. We have half baby proofed but its more like constant vigilence at this point, and once when he starts walking/running, its gonna be a totally different story. But he is never left alone, and is always in the same room with me (b/c I follow him to various rooms) so we can stop something before it starts.

He loves all our animals and wants to play with them, but at this point they just get annoyed and leave... Who knows if that will change! I like that they leave if they don't want to be there b/c then they won't swat him or something. He loves cell phones, remote controls, basically everything he can get his hands on.

I start my job this week so my parents are watching him this week, and he will be in daycare for the next 10 weeks. I have been having a very TOUGH time with this (including but not limited to panic attacks, etc), but I'm just gonna live through it and survive it and hope it goes well. He will be in the same building as me so I can come pop my head in (which I will 100% do), so that makes me feel a bit better. As long as I know he is in a safe environment then its ok...

Well, I think thats it for now. Am attempting to get my health in shape for child #2, in t-9 months!! Be good all!

Teeth and more teeth

2009-04-16T16:35:00.001-07:00

So it's been a while since I have updated... So, we have 3 teeth now and I feel tooth #s 4-6 will be coming shortly. For Eli teething consists of alot of chewing on his fingers, sleeping and crankiness. But thus far we are doing well with it. The whole teething process is quite insane and its sad that it hurts the baby :( But they've got to come in!

In terms of interaction its amazing, we are now experiencing light 'seperation anxiety' and likes to be held by me, my dad and my mom, everyone else gets cries and he just wants his mom.. He will basically twist around in that person's arms to find someone he knows then puts his hands up. It's super cute!

We are clapping, waving, holding very small things. One thing I think its really cool is his attention to detail- he takes his index finger and feels small details on clothes, toys, chairs, et. He also will notice little things that others might not. We were sitting outside tonight and a flock of birds flew out of the tree in the yard and his eyes followed them up to the sky. A breeze went by a piece of newspaper outside and he watched it rustle. I wonder what it will mean in the future..

He talks, not a ton, but when he wants to say something he will. No definitive words yet but I hear 'dadadasdadadas' (which is generally the beginning of language sound) and I can SWEAR he says 'mamamamamamama' :) I am in no rush.

We aren't crawling yet, but we def. can move everywhere and anywhere and open and close drawers, cabinets, etc!!

All is going well. I start work at the end of next month so he will be going into daycare for abt 9 weeks and it's something I am working on dealing with but I hope it will be a good, positive experience for him. I guess time will just tell- you know? But I am going to strive to maintain the same nightly schedules and be as flexible as I can be during the day. He will in the same building I am working out of so if I am ever needed I can be there in under a minute which makes me feel good!!

Okay- time to put Mr. Eli to bed (10 months, 1 week old now!) :D

daycare

2009-03-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

So my little baby is 9 months old now. We have 2 teeth, smiles up a storm, very engaging- loves everyone. When he is shy, he puts his head down on his chest. He is a wonderful, adorable, sweet little baby. I love him every moment of every day. :D

Having said that, this summer I will be working at a full time job till mid August. Its a 3 month gig and during this time Eli will be in daycare. It will be a totally, different, new world for him and I am just really dealing with the unknown. Since he is not crawling/walking/talking yet, I have no feedback other than smiles about he feels about something. I wish he could tell me how he felt abt me going back to work, and what that would mean for him. Now since really none of us remember being 1 or 2 or 3, etc (my earliest memories are in 4th grade), I know that this will effect me more than it does him.

BUT, as his mother, its my job to place him in a good environment, one that is loving and safe and caring and sweet and nurturing. Which is a tall order for anyone really. I just don't want my beautiful baby stuck in a room all day and doing what everyone else is doing all day long. My parents will most likely pick him up in the early afternoonish so he won't be in daycare all day, but I will miss not being near him.

Alot of mothers work, always have, always will- so this is not a new scenario. And the daycare is in the same building that I will be working in- which is truly one of the main reasons I would even work there. They have the highest accrediation in the country, but none of that means jack if the love isn't there... But it could be, I don't want to get ahead of myself.

I am his mother, his primary source of love and life. I will always be his mother, and he is all mine at the end of the day. Well, until he is 10 and starts wanting to hang out with his friends more than me.

Thats another thing- everyone tells me that babyhood is short and I must enjoy every minute of it. But, its a mixture of being realistic and needing to pay bills and doing the best I can really.

I think it will just play itself out really. If its meant to be, it will be, if not, then not.

Okay- tis it for now!

Shots

2009-02-20T08:55:00.000-08:00

When you have an infant child in the United States they are required to get shots- alot of them- 31 to be exact (I know b/c I was just at the peds. office and I counted!). I have been extending Eli's vaccines by 6 weeks per set of immunizations. So shots he should have had at 2 months, he got the first at 2 months, then the 2nd part at 3 1/2-4 months, respectively. We have now started the 6 month shots at almost 8 1/2 months old. IT IS MIND BOGGLING how many shots and how quickly they get them all. Infants/toddlers receive 25 of these shots within 18 months of life. Can you imagine going for 25 shots within such a short amount of time?

I am really working on staying on top of it all, and the head nurse praised me for how well I am doing, but man o' man, its alot of work. I had sheets and was consulting with people and just trying to figure out when I think its acceptable and Eli is old enough to have them. I will never ever give Eli or any future child the shots according to their schedules b/c I don't believe the child's immune system is mature enough and they don't weigh enough at the times they want to give it to them.

For instance when a child is born- Day 1- literally they want to give the Hep B shot. A brand new newborn who hasn't even had formula, innocent as can be they want to shoot up that child with this and hope they do ok. Not on my watch.

I am sure there will come a time when they either get rid of some of these shots or figure something b/c how could such little bodies handle all these things coming in to them ok? But 31 shots... Oy...

I do feel good about spreading them out and making sure my child is old enough to handle them.. But I hope they figure other ways to combat these diseases with these children..

Our first cold

2009-02-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

I had been hearing stories from other mamas about their babies getting colds, etc and I was just waiting for Eli to get his first cold. Kinda on baited breath- when will it happen? What will it be? HOW will it be? Will he be ok, etc... So we got it. Last weekend- it started with him being very tired and not so happy, then a runny nose, then a deep cough. We have passed the runny nose and just have the deep cough left. His whole schedule including sleeping and eating was off, but today he seemed to be somewhat back to normal. On top of all this he is getting his 2nd tooth in which hurts! :( So its been a double whammy.

But other than that things are going normally. I had wanted to work fulltime next year but I am realizing I don't want to be away from my son everyday, all day. So I am fortunate enough to be in a position to working a couple of part-times job in the Fall to make enough money to pay all my bills, but the big one of daycare (at least $11K/yr) has gone away.

I love love love being with my child. No one else can watch him or care for him as well as I can. I know what works for him, what doesn't, how much he eats, sleeps, etc... I am honored that I can spend these critical years with him, he will never remember them but at least I will have known. The more I grow as a parent, the more I kinda understand it all.

I didn't believe the hype about being fulfilled and priorities changing, but, they are and I half don't know what to do about it and half love it. It's like there is this old me, the single lady who lived alone who had big dreams, traveled alot and the new me, a mother, a caregiver, a provider- I go down in history books as hopefully a grandma, great-grandma,etc. ME. But at the same time I want to be able to do all the old things I did before baby- mainly traveling, but everything kinda changes. The money I would have spent on let's say movies, now goes to diapers (which if you get the Target brand is pretty cheap). It's a everything-that-was-mine is now ours. Its just different... and now, there is college to think about! But not mine, his.

Having said all that there is even more change on the horizon as I hope to go for #2 in next Summer ('10), and have started my maternity insurance, so really if I wanted I could start in March of 2010. Thats essentially 12 months away. I feel like I am going through the same process I did before I had Eli, I am starting to do a big clean/donate/get rid of thing. I am symbolically making room for a 2nd.. and this is all before my 1st even has started crawling!

As I was putting Eli to bed tonight, and he looks at me and smiles and is cute and now really recognizes me and cause and effect and all of that, I was just happy that I had made this choice to be a mother. I can't imagine not ever NOT being a mother.. and as a result I am starting to get the fulfilling thing and thats scary... But fortunately children grow up slowly so you get used to everything on a pace you can handle... But life evolves and I am happy to join this journey as long it allows me to be on it... eek!

teeth and maternity riders

2009-01-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

Eli got his first tooth on January 21, 2009. Its sooo super cute. He has been chomping and biting and eating anything he can to soothe his aching teeth! His symptoms thus far have been alot of sleeping and a bit of crankiness, but really not much. No drooling, etc... But I take every single day, every single event individually. So one could be connected and one might not. So Eli is 7 1/2 months tomorrow- whee! I love it- he sits up in a high chair, in the grocery cart- the independence is great! And we are in this in btwn stage b/c he is not walking yet so I am not chasing him everywhere yet. So I shall enjoy the next 2 months before it gets crazy!

So I applied for a maternity rider on my insurance, making it officially official that I am preppin' for #2. Its exciting :) I will let everyone know how everything is going.

Clothes, clothes and more clothes

2009-01-15T17:54:00.000-08:00

So I go to Target to buy Eli's diapers and food, etc and every single time I am there I check the 75% off racks for baby clothes. Now, mind you, baby clothes thus far are 1 time wear things for Eli. He has sooo many clothes (hand-me-downs, gifts, things I have bought him), he will literally wear something once, grow to big and I "retire" it (meaning put in a big rubbermaid container for next child or cousins). So yesterday, I go in, get diapers, and just peek.. and what do I see??

Duhh, dunnnn, dhhnnnnnnnn (spooky music)

I see racks upon racks of 75% off baby/toddler clothes.. I nearly died and went to happy clothes heaven. AND I had a $35 gift card. So I gingerly make my way over to the racks, start going through them.. Hmm, this looks good- he could wear this next winter.. oh.. wow. that looks good.. he could wear that in 2 winters..

I think you get my drift. So basically I ended up buying 20 pieces of clothing from pants to shirts to sweaters to hoodies ranging from $1.48-$3.00. My child needs nothing now besides a pair or jeans or two for the next 3-4 winters.. :)

So one would think I was done- ha! I cross the aisle to the big boys/teens boys section where they too were having sales and I pick up a t-shirt or two he can wear when he is like 12. So in 1 shopping trip I have aged my son 11 years.. Good times..

Everything else is going well. I going to be working fulltime this summer and having him in the daycare, but the good news is the daycare is the same building. So I will get to visit and see him and that will be wonderful. I don't know whats going to happen in terms of employment for the Fall but who knows! Tis it for now :)

tttyssssss

Sitting and gone green

2009-01-04T05:36:00.000-08:00

Hi All-

Well Eli is almost 7 months now (this upcoming Friday). As of the last week we have been rolling across the floor and sitting up on our own! I feel alot more independence now that he can sit up by himself. I know that there is an end to the 100% carrying him around phase :) I love him dearly but as he gets older carrying him around gets harder :) So that is a big milestone and I am happy for him...

What else? I've gone green! He eats only organic baby food (unless we are out then I give him table food), I use 7th generation products for all his cleaning needs- washing his bottles, doing his laundry, cleaning his rooms. I feel safer, more confident knowing he isnt growing up around chemicals. As much "cleaning" they might do, the chemical usage I think is much more harmful in the long run. So to the best of my abilities I will make sure he doesn't havbe to inhale, be exposed to that stuff!

We came back from TN about 2 weeks ago and that was fun. It's def. hard to travel with babies you just have to be super patient and know your limitations. Its amazing how discrimitory businesses/restaurants are against babies. I can't tell you how many times I have had to change Eli's diaper on the floor of some dirty restaurant floor b/c they have no diaper changing area. And when we went to Dollywood they wouldn't allow strollers into the building (well into the areas where you could buy something of course they did- just not everything else- interesting eh??)... So it was really cold and I had to shlep a tired, cold baby in and out, in and out of his stroller. But other than that I had a nice time there. It's very pretty!

Whats the next step for Eli? Well we should start crawling I would say by March-ish?

He is a very engaged child. He loves talking to people, looking at everything going on around him. He wants to be apart of it all. I think he is going to be a journalist b/c he is so interested in whats happening and what people are doing! Only time will tell...

Its interesting how things are shaping up. It seems some of life's decisions just kinda get made for you. At this point, although things might change Eli will be going to a Jewish day school thats abt 15 minutes from here.. Which would be quite awesome- it is my intense desire/interest for him to grow up in a strong Jewish environment. A conservative one, but one in which we are actively participating and being Jewish. So my goal is to give him a good balance of the two.

The first year of life with an infant is very much about the physical aspect of just growth and survival, but as they age you kinda shift to more of a psychological, nurturing parental role. I wonder when this comes if the transition is difficult or you just ease into it?? I am not saying that I am anywhere near that but I feel that I am more of a parent/nurturing type so hopefully it will go well...

Alright a pic then I'm out!

Plane trip

2008-12-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

So Eli took his first plane trip to DC on Sunday and did smashingly well! He slept both ways and I was very proud. He was an excellent little trooper.. Now, the HARD part of the trip was sharing a room at night.. We had our own room but he slept in a pack and play that wasn't familiar to him and was moving/talking/waking up every hr BOTH nights we were there. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time we got back. Its hard being a baby and traveling alot. And to make it even harder/more challenging, we are driving to TN. on Sunday for a week long vacation...

Once again we will have our own rooms but thankfully this time it will be a suite, so we actually will have our own rooms and I can shut the door and he can get some sleep. And in DC our rooms faced L Street and in TN hopefully they will face nothing but quietness :) So we will see but another life experience- I had a blast in DC, although I, of course, didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see!!

Now that Eli is 6 months and change, we have started a more solid food routine (well we started it today actually). I will be doing oatmeal with a little bit of jam in the morning and a vegetable/fruit every night pretty much for the next 3 months. I also give him bits of bread, banana and mashed potato when its around. My goal is by 9 months to have 1 big bottle when wakes up, breakfast of oatmeal, another big bottle around lunch time, a snack & smaller bottle in afternoon, and "dinner" and another big bottle at sleep time. Currently we do 6 bottles/day and I would like to reduce that down to 3 bottles of 8 ozs and 1 bottle of 6 maybe. The bottle is the main source of nutrition until age 1, and food mostly at this point is just a learning exercise but having those 3 "meals" will help him better in daycare and just overall :)

He is doing better with his sitting up! He can stand up holding things with a little bit of help and is 100% interactive with people :) Alright here's a pic to go!

Older

2008-12-07T03:35:00.000-08:00

It's really interesting that when you have a baby your body changes... I heard it, but was like "I'm young! No big deal" but I think it is also changes for a number of reasons- and I'm not talking hormonal, biological changes.. mostly physical... First of carrying a baby, delivering a baby, then carrying this baby (generally until they are 30ish lbs), can do a tremendous number on your body. I am not sure how to reverse the changes, as you obviously had a baby so you could carry it around :) But it something I need to process really and think about.. My mother said it was like training for a marathon, which of course I didn't believe, but now I think I am starting to.

Tis it- Eli turns 6 months on Tuesday!

Brand new world

2008-11-29T18:15:00.001-08:00

Well, SO much has been going on that I have been amiss in not documenting it! We are grabbing for things, eating things, standing (with help), talking more, watching people/animals/things.. I think 5 months was a big one in terms of development. He works everyday on trying to sit up.. He is half way there. I love it. :D

And the womyn!! Ha! Seriously everytime we hit a girl btwn 3-5 they just melt around Eli. I have had at different points girls on both side of Eli's stroller touching him, talking to him.. 1 girl today said she loved him- and they just met! I don't know, I might have to be fighting girls off him his whole life!! Its sooo cute, and Eli's like who is girl?? Its soooo adorable. I want to take pics!

We are working our way through the holiday season- we did Rosh Hashanah/Halloween/Fall/Thanksgiving (a vegetarian one for him) and now we are working up towards Hannukkah, then I can take a rest for a while! He will be 6 months in about a week- my little boy will be hitting the 6 months mark- totally cool. I give him all sorts of food now to taste. He just kinda sucks on most of the stuff for now, but when I give him a bagel or hard bread he partly chews on it. He always has his hand in his mouth, and I think its pre-teething.

But thank g-d everything is going well.. I just wanted to leave you with a pic!

food and all night benders

2008-11-11T04:31:00.000-08:00

Well my bebe has started on solids.. well kinda of. I was going to wait until he was 5 1/2 weeks but I figured my extended fam that was in last weekend would want to see it.. So I had everyone around the table, with the camcorder on, and.... he ate the 1/2 tsps worth of banana no problem. Then the next day the same. But then it was taking him longer to *you know use the little boys room* so I figured I would wait a little longer before I try again. Since, for now, I am making him his own organic baby food. I went out and got this gigantic organic sweet potato that I boiled, then pureed, then put in 2 ice cube trays, which I will then put in a ziploc bag for him for later. My goal is when he is a more regular eater that he will be eating all sorts of stuff- yogurt, peas, avocado, sweet potato, oatmeal, carrots, etc. So I hope to have little plastic baggies with this stuff that I can just let it thaw and serve!

Since he will be a vegetarian, as he gets older he will be having almond butters, tofu, whole wheat products, cage-free eggs, cream of wheat. I will be holding off on the meat-alternative products until he is a little older.. maybe in the 1 yr oldish range? But its good.. I was ready :)

So last night I put Eli down at 9:30ish, my normal time.. and he is talking to himself for a little then falls asleep. Then I hear him at 2:30 and his legs are caught in the slats (but he's fine) and I take them out, and leave the room. Then I hear him at 4, 5, and 6:45 still talking to himself. I have no idea if he got any sleep at all! It's his first all nighter without me!!

Cuteness with his older cousin!

My almost 5 month old

2008-11-02T12:20:00.001-08:00

So, my beautiful baby is starting solids in 2 weeks! My beautiful baby I believe is pre-teething. My beautiful baby sat up for the first time last night! My beautiful baby.. is well.. beautiful! Can you tell I am biased ;)?? He's super cute. I'm glad he's mine. Your life changes so much when you have a child. I hear so much rhetoric about just everything, but I am guess you just don't understand the commitment until you grow in your love with your child as they grow. I have to be honest, when Eli was first born I didn't feel that motherly connection you hear womyn having "ohhh from the moment I saw him I fell madly in love!!"... Nah, I didn't have that. You grow in love as you get to know your child- their wants, needs, feelings, smiles, kisses,etc.. Love def. has to grow.. And its not just love. It's pride, satisfaction, love, sweetness, heart, growth.. its alot of different feelings.. I love being Eli's mother...

But it does take time.. Only now can I start to reflect on what was. I didn't want to think about the birth story really, I needed some time away from it before I could delve into what it was. Being a mother is such a bodily experience. From Birth, to caring for, to existing to everyday (puke, poop, drool- everything!)...

So, yes, I have changed.. for the better :)

Halloween!

2008-10-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

So I thought that I should put up the world's cutest Halloween pic of a baby in a pumpkin costume :) Things are going well, Eli turns 5 months on Monday. I am starting him on solids in t-2 weeks! My little baby is going on solids- wow! I was just watching him sleep and he is such a little man. I love him and can't wait to watch him grow up!!! Alright here in the pic- will update more hopefully later, been reflecting alot on the whole pregnancy journey and where I am headed :)

PS- t- 18 months until I start again- woohoo!

Let's see

2008-10-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Hello all- What are some new developments in baby world? Well, Eli is def. starting to touch/feel things and thats sooo cool! He now rubs my arms while we cuddle and he is starting to play with his toys in his exersaucer. Its just cute in general. He has been staying up during naptimes these last 2 days and has been super cranky at night.. But no day here is consistent- lots of noise, movement, etc and so there is no real quiet place for him to go to rest! So I am trying to change his night schedule so he can go to bed earlier. We shall see!

I made my pumpkin puree today for my pumpkin bread that I am making tomorrow. I got a nice size pie pumpkin from the store for a loaf, but tomorrow Eli and I will be heading down to a local farmers market to pick up some pumpkins to carve and some more pie pumpkins to make loaves for everyone.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur went well. We made it to services each time and sat for a bit. Its hard though b/c my baby is a talker :) :) and during quiet time likes services it gets hard. But now we are in Sukkot and this year really is to early for him to enjoy/remember a sukkah- so next year- fo sure!

So Eli has a toy chest now and a bunch of toys I got from others and tonight I was going through them and putting them in age appropriate boxes/chests/etc.. Then I did the same thing with his clothes.. And its amazing how many things he has, in terms of clothes that he really hasn't been able to use that he has now grown out of! But its like half sad and half proud, as I put his clothes in storage (for either another boy down the line or something) that my little boy will never be that size again and proud that I got him this far! In though he is a baby he clearly has a personality and just needs love and support and nourishment to make everything grow. My little baby boy is gonna be 4 1/2 mths old on Monday!! I can't believe it!

I am starting to think about foods and how I am going to make them and its sad :( But happy at the same time..

I love my boy!! Hope everyone is well!

Rolling over! Scooting!

2008-10-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Wow- so much has happened in the last couple of days.. I have had some major bonding time with Eli and it has been wonderful. I think as I become a more long-time mama I am feeling so many things that I hadn't before!! I just am so much more involved with everything now- he rolled for the first time yesterday and today my Dad said he "crawled" aka scooted for him! My little almost 4 mth old boy (on Monday) is becoming a real life baby :) :) :) So I am very happy and love to cuddle and snuggle and give a million kissies a day to him :)Tis all for now!

First portaits

2008-09-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Eli & I were at one of our playgroups at the JCC and the preschool was taking school portaits and they asked if I wanted Eli's pic done- well of course!! I had been planning for weeks to get it done but just hadn't, so it all worked out :) If I like them I will older more, if not.. well then oh well! Didn't have to pay for the sitting :) We are well- I am ready for Rosh Hashanah. Did all my holiday cards, baked honey cakes for sibs and family, know where I am going to shul :)

After RH is done, then of course Yom Kippur, but then after that is Sukkot! I am hoping or going to figure out how I can get a sukkah done in our backyard.. I am thinking PVC pipe or something or the sort! And concurrently I will be carving pumpkins and making pumpkin pie/breads :) Also I am in the process of making Eli his first quilt so we shall see how that works out. I LOVE LOVE the fall- its my favorite time of year and this year I can begin my traditions :)

I bake challah every week but since tomorrow is my 29th Birthday, I am going to make my challah today, freeze it and heat it up tomorrow night for dinner :) I am going to make a round raisin challah- so we shall how that works out.. So everything is good, thank g-d! And if I don't post again before the New Years- L'Shanah Tovah!

My mother was right!

2008-09-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

My mama once made an offhand comment when asked if she had seen this particular tv show in the '90s and she said "I was too busy raising my kids." And boy, was she right! Its so hard keeping up with everything- the news, the weather, etc. If I don't glance it on a headline or hear a soundbite somewhere I am totally out of the loop. I pretty much missed most of Hurricane Ike- I only really heard about it when the gas prices started rising. But I am glad that I am so busy raising my son, that its okay!!

Well, also not to mention a house full of animals- really. I have 2 cats, my parents have 2 cats, 1 dog and I am turtle-sitting 2 turtles for the last month or so. So on a daily basis I take care of 7 animals!

I am starting to get excited about Rosh Hashanah. I have purchased the new year cards (5769 is pretty exciting!), I am figuring out what where we are gonna get family portraits and I am going to try my hand at round raisin challah and apple cake! Also I am going to do something special for my Sunday School class just not sure what yet... I think we are going to exchange new years cards and do something apple related!

On the Halloween/Fall front, Eli, myself, my sister and her boyfriend are going to go pumpkin picking this Sunday! I have to buy some cooking pumpkins and make a batch of pumpkin breads with a variety of things in them; freeze 'em, and enjoy all thoroughout Oct/Nov :)

But Eli is 14 weeks now. He can laugh now. His vision has improved tremendously- he can follow you as you walk across a room and he's starting to see other people/animals around him and just watching. He has half rolled and I am waiting anyday now for the full roll. He is a very vocal baby with his coo and squeaks.. It's tres cute- and he still sleeps through the nite!

Alright must go- feeding time :)

latest

2008-09-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well I figured it was time for a proper update!! What is the latest goings on?? Well, Eli & I went to synagogue for the first time last weekend. It was nice, there is a subsection of babies there who Eli will grow up with as they will be in the same grade. I never had the opportunity to say "i grew up with this person and that person" b/c we moved so much, so I hope to stay here long enough for Eli to be able to say those things.

He is still sleeping through the night wonderfully. I am glad we cleared that hurdle! B/c in about a month or so, we start pre-teething which means we will be up again at night, so at least I get some sleep before that starts :) But I am totally on his schedule, so if he needs to get up or his body gets him up- its okay- he's a baby :) And he's my baby!

I really like being his mommy. Sometimes I want some time to myself, but I would say 99% of the time, I love just having him in my life. Its def. a growing process. Thankfully he's an easy baby. We are working on him sitting up and grabbing toys. Its all happening, just slowly. He makes alot of cooing and talking sounds. In fact, we were in shul actually and he started "talking" during the bat mitzvah girl reading her speech, so we had to leave ;)

What else?? I had my FIRST labor and delivery dream last night, ha! I never had a single dream about babies or delivery all through my pregnancy and post partum! I knew the dream had to come eventually :) And here it is! It was an easy labor and delivery in my dream- so it was a nice dream.

One of the other mommies is 7 1/2 mths pregnant, and has a 14 month old son and I swear the "wanting to be pregnant" hormones started swirling. There must must be a biological trigger when a womyn sees a baby. It must be a survival of the species type of thing. I was like "awww, I want another baby." And I'm not like that, I am happy to not be pregnant b/c I enjoy my caffeine and having my body back... But seeing other pregnant mommies thing is hard!

So I hit 29 this month! And I am telling everyone that I am going to start in the late summer/early fall of '10 to have another baby. So I am on the "clock" so to speak. Why am I rushing to have another child? I just want to have my little family intact and together. I don't feel satisfied with just 1 child. I need another. At least.. and/or maybe 3 children? I feel just not settled- not completed- not done. I know I want more, so this is the time. The younger I have them, the younger I will be to watch them grow, etc. It's hard to sit and wait. Technically, I could get pregnant by Spring if I wanted to. But, I think 2 yrs (well less than that now) is a good time... Eeekkk..

We shall see!!!

Latest tricks

2008-09-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well, Eli is nearly 13 weeks!! His major accomplishments are he found his hands :) Now they are in his mouth constantly and he loves it. I think one day he will fit his whole fist in his mouth! He is sleeping through the night (thank g-ddess)! He goes to bed around 11ishpm and wakes up around 7ishAM. He is starting to grab toys but he doesn't realize why yet. He is starting to sit up better.

And he is still super cute!!

:)

Let it be marked here~

2008-08-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight at 8:15pm during Governor Richardson's speech at the DNC, my son Eli briefly sat up for the first time eva!!!! Uh-oh from now on- big stuff is gonna be happening!!

He's 11 weeks and 4 days :)

Pics

2008-08-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

Promised pics of the nursery :)

Crib & Rocking Chair (where we read every night)

His ever-growing bookcase :)

Diaper changing area and cat (Moshe)

And finally- my baby- the first time sleeping in his crib :)

the crib is up!

2008-08-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

So my sister's boyfriend came over today and helped me set up my beautiful lovely delish crib. I need to take pics tomorrow and post them. Also, I have a new stroller- why you ask? Haven't you been using 1 since day 1?? Well, I had been using my beautiful wonderful Eddie Bauer Travel System but it had started just breaking apart. Different pieces would come off on different days. The last straw that broke the stroller's back was when a rather large piece that held the "roof" of the crib fell off, I knew it was over. I wanted a stroller that certainly was going to last me longer than 2 1/2 mths!!!!

I wanted one that would last until Eli was walking and my next child was walking! We are talking a min. of 6 yrs- so this wouldn't cut it. So I went back to Babies R' Us and they were kind and generous enough to let me exchange it for a wonderful Graco crib (it was the Catalina model). I like this one thus far and have purchased the warranty should something happen.

In terms of development Eli is of course growing leaps and bounds and his eye contact and head movement has improved greatly over the last couple of days. He can now move his head completely from the right to the left and is starting to recognize toys- which is cool! He also found out he can scream too ;) His vocal capabilities are getting better by the day!

I don't know how I am going to transition him to his crib. But I feel it should be slowly. I don't think that suddenly I will be able to put him down there and magic will happen. I think it will be a work in progress type of thing! I don't know how I feel abt my baby going into this own room. It works so well with him being right next to me- but the pediatrician said that the 3rd mth is a good month for him to transition to his own room. Well he isn't 3 mths for another week and 2 days.. So I think during the week I am going to attempt to put him in his crib for naps... Then one night I will just let him sleep in there!

Eeekk :)

Hope everyone is well :)

My baby is no longer a newborn!

2008-08-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to blog but I have been out of town for the last week and life has been super busy! Well, let's see where are we... Eli is 10 weeks old tomorrow (2 1/2 mths!) and is still super dee dooper cute. Its kinda scary but we get stopped at restaurants, in grocery stores, pretty much everywhere we go. "Omg your baby is so pretty/beautiful/gorgeous!" Its weird- sometimes I close his stroller up so ppl can't see him or I go to a different grocery store so I don't get the same comments. I mean thank goodness right- a beautiful, healthy baby- I couldn't have asked for more!!

He did very well with his great grandma in Pensacola :) We went to the beach and he got his first dip in the Gulf and his first time with sand. No doubt he won't remember a thing, but I have proof!! I plan to post some pics of course when I download them.

I am slowly working on getting him to sleep in his own room. They (the "experts") say the 3rd month is a good month to transition them to a crib in their own room b/c around the 4th month they realize the connection btwn crying and being picked up! So over the next 2 weeks I am going to strive to let him take naps in his room and using the monitor more... Also during labor day I am going to set up the crib :)

Alright, so I want to leave you w/some pics! If smiles came in Starbucks sizes-

You'd have a tall:

You'd have a grande:

& finally you would have a venti:

:D

Welcome to Parenthood

2008-08-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

As Eli gets older (8 weeks on Monday!) I have begun to get more mobile- which is exciting! But I have to tell you that more mobile we are, the more he can do, my priorities have shifted. I think right after birth I tried to attempt to maintain my previous life/ideals/etc... but I am starting to realize that yes truly my reality has changed. I still have my life long goals, but they are more focused now and do include my family.

It's amazing the difference a little concentrated parenting does on a child.. So babies cry.. And I was taking Eli to my favorite veggie chinese place and we were driving from my house and he starts crying on/off. I knew he was tired, but I wanted to see if it would stop. And it didn't.. So I am abt 5 minutes from the house and have another 20 minutes on the drive and a) I could have let him cry it out (which you really shouldn't do with a newborn) or b) I could pull over and find out whats wrong. So I pull over to a local gas station and I took him out of his carseat, sat for a couple of minutes rocking him in my arms, he falls asleep, I put him back in his carseat and BOOM he sleeps the rest of the way there.

I know I am new parent- but I liked it. I liked that this little bit of extra attention went the distance. I know that in the future there will be things that distract me (TV, internet, other stuff) and that I am going to say "I am this child's mother- thats whats more important" and put everything else away and concentrate. Thats why I had kids...

Not sure why I am sharing this story but parenting is such a learning experience. Eli has alot more visual control now and is staring at more things, fab neck control and not yet sleeping for longer periods at night, but I know its coming!

Here's a pic! I'd like to think its a "mommy pic me up" pic! :D

6 weeks and buying a crib

2008-07-21T17:45:00.001-07:00

So as the days progress and Eli gets more awake and alive, its much harder to be on the computer! Our house is pretty busy and guests will be coming in/out for the next 2-3 weeks so thats all consuming! So my little Eli is 6 weeks today. His neck control is getting better everyday. He is def. more kicky and stretchy and moving his legs in a "I want to get up and run around" type of way. Hmm, he is super cute.

I get more grins/giggles when we have one on one time and I sing him our song. He is def. cooing and developing language skills. Nightimes are slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y evening themselves out. Night by night. I am working on giving him 1 feeding a night, then eventually none. But since he is only 6 weeks we are doing a fab job. I have tentatively decided that mid-August will be when I move him into his nursery. I figure he will be a little over 2 months and will have had some time to adjust. Its gonna be hard- and weird and all that sorts of stuff. I will def. be one of those mothers than runs in to check to see if he is breathing several times/night.

Also I bought him a crib today!!! And I say "wow, that is freakin' expensive!" You have to buy the crib, then a mattress, then sheets (haven't done the sheets yet) and I won't tell you how much it is. But I included a pic! Its a convertible one and its cherry.. So I will eventually use the crib for this child and future child (g-d willing) and then use the headboard/footboard for me b/c I like it so much! So I think it was well worth it. But I have no plans on putting him in the crib or even transitioning him into a crib until the High Holidays in late September, which means he will be abt 3, 3 1/2 mths.. So I feel slightly better abt it.

There are a couple of things on my mind that I might as well share w/the blog world. I am still worried abt the vaccines, I bought the Dr. Sears Vaccine book. Apparently Dr. Sears is to our generation what Dr. Spock was to our parents generation. He is due for his first part of his series on August 11th..

But on a lighter note, I can't decide whether to do family portraits of he and I before the high holidays or new years... Also I am starting to think of his halloween costume (which not surprisingly enough they were selling at babies r us!). So thats gonna be fun!!!!

Okie, tis it for now!

:)

stretching him out and cooing

2008-07-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

So now that my little baby boy is 5 weeks old, we (meaning me) have started stretching out his feedings at night in order to eventually.. one day.. be able to sleep through the night.. Now he kinda wakes up around 2:30ish and basically chills in my arms till abt 4:30ish, when I feed him then he sorta goes back to sleep until 6:30.. However this morning he was awake and therefore I was awake. Around 5:45 this morning my son learned how to coo. I hear this low grunt, then it starts getting higher, then a cooooo, then it goes down again. It was very very very cute and I didn't mind having been up since 2:30- I just sat and listened to him.

So that was exciting. He is just my very cute baby boy. Have I said that yet? I need to work on getting that Dr. Sears book before his first shot appt in 3 weeks- eek! I need to do that tomorrow. I am constantly reading all my baby books to see what's next and what they say abt this and that. But I really think parenthood kinda comes naturally. If he cries, you see whats wrong and fix it. But I have to say having my parents here have been a big help, as my mother has over 30 yrs of child-rearing experience :)

I have soo much stuff I want to do in the next couple of weeks and months. I had a really relaxing day today though and I watched several tv shows (better get it all in before I tone it down perhaps??) and I swear each show I watched had a pregnant womyn giving birth! And now I can relate to them. Its cool.

Okay I have to go to bed now, but all is well..

Decisions

2008-07-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Well in the end we couldn't decide abt the baby nurse. My initial indecision rubbed off on my parents and after much bally-woohing, we decided (scratch that-- MY PARENTS) decided that they want to vacation locally and see the sites during the day that they haven't yet. I was perfectly fine with them going on vackay. I told them so, multiple times, but alas, they chose not to go on their vacation that was only 3 hrs from the house, and decided to stay local. Meaning out of the house during the day, back at night for like 3 days. *Sigh* What am I going to do? Force them out of their own house??

So I let them be big boys and girls and make that decision. Whatev. :)

I am going to move past it and beyond it, it will just take a little bit. Its not like I am going to be stopped by anything when I have my mind set to it. If I want to see the United States in a balloon, I will. Nothing will stop me. But parents are as parents are.

What else is new in babyland? I have already retired his 0-3 months clothes :( They no longer fit him. He had his 1 month appt yesterday and he is 10 lbs, 1 oz., 22 inches :) His next appt is his 2 months where he starts his series of vaccines which I have decided to space out over a period of time as he gets older. I think the 2 main arguments abt the links btwn autism and the vaccines are that there are so many so close to each other and that some shots are simply unnecessary.

This is all subject to change but this is what I am doing thus far-
1) Breaking up the main shot of DTap, Hep B and Polio (Hep B is only needed for daycare, so a 2 mth old doesn't need the shot now)
2) Only allowing 2 shots per visit, then doing 2 shots every 2 months.
3) Breaking up the MMR and going to wait until he is a year and a half or maybe even later as that is the big one.

Thimersol (mercury) is no longer in the vaccines, minus the influenza one, but there are aluminum in each shot and I don't want to for aluminum buildup anywhere. Also I said no to the Hep B shot at birth (it should only be required if the mother has it IMHO).

I plan to do alot more research on it, but for now I am at slight peace with it.

:)

my first grin and baby nurses

2008-07-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

So I think I got my first bonafide non-gassy grin today! It was fleeting but super cute :) We have our 1 month appt check on Wednesday and we will see how much he has grown and what the latest and greatest is. He has started sleeping a little longer at night which is nice! His legs are long and thin and he is super adorable. I figured I am going to use this blog to mark his milestones till I have time to write it in his baby book..

So my support system aka my parents are going out of town for a week for a vackay for my mother's bday. So we interviewed a night nurse that can help out for 3 nights to take the baby while I am sleeping. But its hard. Really hard- I have to trust a total stranger with my baby. She came to the house today and we met her and she took the baby and the baby slept in her arms the entire time she was here. And I was alternatly thinking "wow it would have been so nice if I had the money to hire a nanny for the baby" and I was thinking "she has my baby!!! I want him back! NOW!".. So I am torn whether or not we should hire her. I mean I will be alone with the baby for 3 days- which is a nice thing but of course I will want to sleep and/or a break.

My mother said sleep on it and that is what I shall do. She has 3 kids of her own and I would say is in her mid-late 40s... seemed friendly and personable. Gave my mother and I a hug when she left. But I don't know. Sleep is a positive thing and lets me handle the baby better during the day.

If we don't use the night nurse, then a neighbor is going to come over around 6amish so I can get like 2-3 hrs uninterrupted sleep before the day starts. But if the night nurse comes I would get like 7-8 hrs of sleep. A luxury I haven't had in a while...

I don't know.. I will keep processing. Otherwise baby is good. Normal baby stuff- sleeping, eating, using the restroom, being cute.. Okie, here's another pic! Enjoy :)

stem cells and insurance- oh my!

2008-07-02T13:54:00.001-07:00

So we just got word back today that the stem cell aka cord blood banking that we did during labor came back good. Meaning if I should ever need pure stem cells (g-d forbid) we have 'em on ice up in good ole' NJ!

Also, we got baby Eli insurance yesterday with Blue Cross Blue Shield- so thats another yay! I got his SSN in the mail on Saturday and now we are waiting for his birth certificate and we are GOLDEN. He will be legit- to legit to quit. And I started a college savings bank acct for him. So I feel that alot has happened in 3 weeks. We got him off to the right start.

Now its my turn to start putting the pieces together of what I want to do once Eli is old enough to go into daycare. Let the future begin!

:)

Newborns

2008-06-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am learning that with newborns there are 4 distinct things they are trying to tell you when they are crying. 1) they are tired 2) they are lonely/bored 3) they are hungry 4) they are wet.. But I think there is a 5th that you don't read abt- 5) being gassy. Babies have a harder time processing gas and when it works through their little bodies its hard on them and Eli especially makes all these littles faces.. He scrunches up and squirms and worms around until he feels better. Last night he sucked his thumb for the first time. It was really reallyyy cute. When I have a camera near and he does it again I will take a pic :)

Tis all for now- he is sleeping away!!

:)

Edit: Tired Post...

2008-06-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well it turns out yes, I was tired, but really what was causing me to be extremely sleepy was the fact that my blood pressure is now LOW. So I went from medium-high blood pressure during pregnancy, then towards the end it went up a little bit, so I was high blood pressure. Then post-delivery it went SKY HIGH, so I went up to the highest meds I could take.. Now my body is starting to slowly come back to normal and all these meds are messing w/my system causing ultra low blood pressure yesterday and today. I went to the doctor and I was 98/62. Ya. When my normal bp is like 130/85ish. So I am reducing my meds slowly and we will see what happen. In addition to the bp meds giving me low bp it also gave me a nice red bumpiness thing happening on my leg.

Woohoo.

But how is my darling son you ask? Well, darling, of course :) We just went for our nightly walk around the block, I will give him his bath, then storytime in a bit, then I drop him off with one of my parents then I go to sleep!

Tired post

2008-06-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well I was doing my best to keep newborn tiredness at bay but it seems I have failed. I am exhausted and just want to sleep and rest all day. They say 'sleep when the baby sleeps.' But thats nearly impossible- it really is. Then a human being can't do anything and I don't want that. So I am exhausted. Yes, this is the tired post.

Nothing really new. I do love my baby- super cute and adorable and lovely. And thats it for now. Good night.

Pediatrican appts & yes, a 2nd child

2008-06-19T13:53:00.000-07:00

So we had our 2nd pediatrican appt today. He is doing well! He grew over an inch in a week and about 6 oz.. He lost about a lb post birth which is normal, so now we are working him back up to his birth weight. He eats about 2 1/2-3oz of formula every 2-3hrs. And he is doing very well. :) He does have a fractured calvacle (sp?) from coming out of the birth canal so quickly- but the ped. said that alot of babies have that and it just have to heal naturaly.

Okie, so I am going to declare it now. I see myself having or starting to try for a 2nd child by summer of '10. I have always a minimum (perhaps a maximum) of 2 and I wanted to have all my kids by 32. Since I will be turning 31 that fall its a good time to start trying. Having said this and it be completely overwhelming as I just had my first child there are certain steps I have to take now to be ready by then.. as this child was def. a multi year project :)

First I have to get rid of all the baby weight I gained with this child.
Second I have to be physically able and ready to handle both a toddler and a pregnancy/newborn.
Third I must get rid of the high blood pressure I got during the pregnancy and get off all meds associated with it.
Fourth I must be fiscally sound before starting such a venture considering I am now talking about having 2 children at camp at the same time, at preschool at the same time, etc.

I am sure as time goes on I will be adding more to this list, but starting today really I will be working on the first and second thing. I am restarting my walking and will work on toning/shaping my body to a pre-pregnancy look. So I really have to think more about it and have to get myself in a place where I can start planning again while at the same time soaking in every single moment of this baby now.

Tis it for now!
~Rachel & Eli, 11 days old :)

Bris

2008-06-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

I might have to make this quick and all future blog writing quick until Eli gets a scheduled nap thing going. As a newborn he sleeps up to 20 hrs/day- I just never know when! But he's been asleep for the last 2 hrs or so, so I know he will need a bottle soon. He is 9 days old today- which means he had his bris yesterday. It was really cool. I have to say I think it was quite a proud moment for me!! My son- my SON! had his bris and he did beautifully. It went off w/out a hitch. We ended up using the same mohel that my cousin used and of course my dad lead the ceremony.

We had abt 85 people at the synagogue and it was nice. We had family in from South Florida and it was all because my son was born. Its a nice post birth- Jewish ritual experience. :) I got all dolled up and got him comfy for his experience and we did it. Alright he is waking up now.. so I will write more later.. but cute pic huh? Its from our 4:30am feedings!

Birth and Baby

2008-06-12T10:50:00.001-07:00

Hello all- As most of you know I had my beautiful baby boy on Monday morning, June 9th at 8:20am.. And hereinlies my birth story for all to see and hear about. The baby is sleeping at this very moment but I will type as fast as I can or I will come back later.

My body had been preparing for labor for several days prior. I could feel weird things in my legs as the days progressed. I had been drinking my red raspberry leaf tea very vigorously and walking every night. I had slowly increased my walking and length the days beforehand. On Sunday night we decided to check out this famous restaurant that almost guarantees a womyn that she will go into labor. So of course no one in the family really believed it but we all thought it would be cute to try. So we go on in Sunday night and order the eggplant parmisan. There is something about the way they do their marinara sauce w/the basil and the oregano....

So after dinner, we get home. Dad leaves to do Shauvot services, I walk around the block and am feeling not much just extreme heaviness in my lower abdomen area. I get home, go to bed around 12:30ish and wake up to my water breaking at 2:30am. Now I had read TONSSSS about how labor takes forever and you are supposed to labor at home for a while beforehand. So my water breaks and I am looking up all these things in my books about what to do next. Around 2:45 I call my ObGyns answering service and they are supposed to contact the midwife on duty and she is supposed to call me back. No one does..

I am having intense pains in my legs- one right after another. I can barely walk and decide around 3:20 that I need to call my mom and ask her for help. So my parents and sister get up, my mother has me recall the answering service and my midwife calls back almost immediately. I had the Group B Strep thing (its a strep that lives in your intestines that you need to have an antibotic for during labor- doesn't harm you at all) and you are supposed to go into the hospital w/in a few hours if you have this...

So we leave for the hospital around 4ish, and get there by 4:20-4:30ish. They already had my paperwork as I pre-registered and w/in 5mins tell me to go to a room on a floor. No wheelchair- just start walking. I get about halfway down a hall and literally have to lie on the ground I am in so much leg pain. They quickly get me a wheelchair and I am wheeled down several long hallways (how was I supposed to walk that???).

We get to my room and I send my dad/sister out and they tell my mom to wait in the waiting room while I fill out more forms. By this time my legs are killing me and I don't know whats going on. They do a quick test on me and determine that it was in fact my water that broke (my amniotic fluid). And then they start having me fill out alllll these forms and signing all this crap. I am now in this intense pain. And to top it off I had a headcold so was all stuffed up and had just taken my high blood pressure meds so I was out of it. I tell the nurse I have to call my mom and want her in there.. So they give me a phone to call her.

She comes in and helps me sign all the forms. By this time its almost 5am and they tell me I am 3 cm dilated. I automatically ask for an epidural and they say they have to give me my IV, draw my blood for the cord blood and other things and then they can give me one. By this point I am lost in whatever world I was in. My leg pains were coming quick and fast and my mom was holding my hand I was trying to breathe through them...

All I know is that w/in the hour I had an epidural. I don't remember when he came in; I barely remember the procedure- it was all a big blur.. The epidural did cause me to violently shake for a while which sucked majorly but it was better than the pain. My initial midwife came in around 7ish and she was getting off and she checks me and she says I am 8/9 cms dilated... Which means I went 5 cms in abt 2 hrs.. And she said she would stay w/me till the new midwife came on duty.. Around 7:30 the new midwife comes, and she says I am fully dilated and that I could start to push soon..

I have to say pushing and lifting ones legs are very hard when they are numb and heavy due to the epidural!!!! So I don't remember exactly when I started pushing.. Around 8ish?? But I had little boy Eli Samuel Slomovitz at 8:20am.. I had a 1 degree tear which meant I needed a stitch but I was all cleaned up and good by 8:45...

The whole labor is a bit of a blur. I remember closing my eyes at some point and it was dark outside and the next time I opened them it was light outside. All I can say is that I am glad it's over and that it went quickly!!!

From there the baby gets checked out and still had some mucus in his body (the mucus gets squeezed out during delivery but b/c delivery was so quick it hadn't all had time to work its way out). He had to be monitored a little bit for it, but thankfully all is well now.

The Womyn's Center were I delivered was really fab... The staff was SOOO nice. We had our own private rooms- we had the paper delivered to us each morning. The food was good.. It's very pretty.. It was a great overall experience and I am glad I delivered there.

I have to say I am willing to go through this again for 1 more child but after that I am done!!!! :) Phewww and thats my story! Here's a new pic of baby:

39 weeks and pre-labor

2008-06-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

So I am 1-2 cms dilated and 70% effaced. Yayyy.. That means my body is starting to prepare for labor. Also I am noticing other signs of pre-labor. I don't know when my body will start full labor but I am on my way! Will let you know :)

& Happy 39 weeks!

~39w,0d

t-7 days!

my first contraction

2008-06-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well I believe I had my first contraction yesterday. *sigh*. I was sitting in my seat and I go to get up and it was like a lightening bolt in my body and suddenly I couldn't stand.. But I managed to hobble over to the couch and it lasted abt a minute.. And that was it. Haven't had another one since. But I've been feeling light pressure all day in my stomach and "down there."

I had another ultrasound today and the baby measured around 8 1/2 lbs :) and he was alll the way down. My guess is that he is engaged and ready to go! I am ready to go as well. I want to meet my son and start mamahood. Right now its really just a waiting game- life can't start until baby is here! I feel that perhaps I should enjoy these last couple of days- 10 to be exact. But I don't want to. I want to start the process. I want to start labor and go through it so I can get to delivery, etc.

I went to Target after my appt today and I started wandering around registering for more baby items :) I needed some in-store stuff as well as online stuff b/c it looks like my invite list to the bris is gettin' big! But, regardless, I started wandering over to the big boy section and I was like "well I can start stocking up on this and that..." And I could just hear my mother in my head "You don't need any of this stuff now, you don't have room! are you crazy???" So the little voice in my head stopped me from going crazy in the big boy department at Target- hehe..

But I did buy some Similac, some breast soothing stuff, a couple of baby boy clearance items and 2 cards- 1 for the papa for Father's day and 1 for the Mama to thank her for all the hard work she has done this pregnancy. Awwww....

:D

~38w, 4d- t-10 days!!

Anytime now

2008-05-30T19:48:00.001-07:00

Well I am 38 weeks :) My baby is full term, mostly baked and could go at anytime. I have started my family tree scrapbook that I am making for him and am pretty much ready to go on most things. I went yesterday to the Womyn's Center where I will be delivering in hopes of getting a nursing bra and getting more info about breast pumping etc. But they said I was to early!! I really hope to get some time to pump instead of solely baby on breast b/c I think that I will want that "me" time and I want someone else to feed the baby by bottle. Maintaining breast feeding is often a problem b/c the mothers breast milk doesn't come in for a couple of days and/or breastfeeding could hurt. So if I can pump enough or just pump for a bit each day it can build up a reserve and he could drink off the bottle not only me. I think that would be more helpful. Even if its only a day or two of reserve..

But there are costs of either renting or buying the pump. Renting is abt $60/month, whereas buying is about $300... So I think I will rent the first month, see how it works out then if it works out then I will either buy it or figure out how long I want to breastfeed for. Since I, g-d willing, plan to have a 2nd child, I will most likely want to breastfeed again. Plus in addition, you have to buy special attachments for the pump, breast cream, nursing pads, etc. However in the long run its healthier for the baby, provides a good attachment to your child and is all natural. I don't like the idea that my child will be eating out of a can till he goes to solids.

My breastfeeding goal is till about 6 months when the switch to solids starts. I don't want to do it forever, but I think the beginning months are critical and since I have no plans to fulltime work until Spring, I think its a doable thing.

So what else is left before baby arrives? I still need a swinging chair for baby... But if I don't get that on my registry I will just find one somewhere. I have a stroller, carseat (2 of them actually), diapers, bassinets (pack n' plays), a high chair, a baby tub, etc.

I'm excited! I have started to up my walking levels to encourage him to move on down and out :) But only when he's ready- I will not rush him, of course once they induce me, they want him out. But I will be 1 day short of 40 weeks when thats happens and thats okay w/me. Thats appropriate :) Also I am cordblood banking so I have that set up. I need to doublecheck on a couple of other things, but mostly I am good to go at anytime. My bag is 90% packed and I'm practicing my labor breathing..

I hope one day soon to have a labor and delivery story for you guys/gals!! :)

~38 weeks :)

the countdown will soon commence!

2008-05-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

Life is a very interesting thing. We change and evolve and grow and experience and all we can do is be open for it. B/c I have a huge belly everywhere I go people ask me when I'm due and how I'm doing and the sex of the baby and everything. The attention is focused solely on me and its great. I pretty much can ask for anything and I will get it. But soon enough, the focus will be off me and on my child. Suddenly my world will change and my priorities. Its a natural, biological thing. The next generation will start with no knowledge of what it was like to live in the 20th century, no knowledge of pre-computer days, no knowledge of pretty much everything I've grown up with. He will be a baby of the 21st century and will g-d willing live to the 22nd long after I am gone.

So I think as I get close to having my first son, I just am nostalgic. I am starting my family and working my way down the path of life. I saw his feet and his toes and fingers in the ultrasound today and g-d willing thats all mine in 16 days. All those toes and those fingers I will spend the rest of my life worrying and wondering about.

I watched a labor and delivery video last night complete w/labor intensity in those infamous pre-epidural days.. and it didn't deter me or scare me, it made me even more excited that my little boy is coming. I just can't wait for him to be in my life. I run across of alot of single mothers (not really by choice) and they talk about how hard it is.. But I think really there is a difference btwn single mothers by CHOICE and single mothers who didn't think they would end up that way.

In terms of symptoms I am monitoring my blood pressure each night with my home blood pressure monitor and taking my meds accordingly. I have minimal salts. I get tired easy when standing. I walk each night around my block several times, but otherwise I am jazzin :)

I AM READY FOR BEBE!
~37w, 4d :) :) :)

I've entered the interventionnnn zone

2008-05-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

So I had my Group B strep test today and they tested my iron levels. The Group B was a real quick "internal" (wink wink) exam which lasted about 20 seconds- no biggie. The blood test was rather quick as well. To amuse myself during it I started thinking about how many CNN anchors I knew and I really didn't get far, so I started naming all news correspondents I knew.. Ya...

So I am thinking about doing cord blood banking. Its the latest rage in stem cells- they take a sample from the baby's umblical cord, they harvest the cells and store it in case they are needed. I just found out that they need 3 freakin' TUBES of blood from me before or after I am in labor. So along with the many things that will be coming out of my body, there will be another 3 tubes of blood joining the chorus..

So as a result of all these things set to leave my body, I am going to start preparing my super bulking up in iron, protein and calcium. All of which I think are essential things in keeping me strong on the big day (t-3 weeks!). So every morning I am going to egg it- whether with an omelet or french toast or something that includes 1 full egg (organic OF COURSE :)). Then along with my cereal that contains 50% of my daily iron, I will add two additional sources- haven't fully determined what that is yet to make sure I exceed my daily 100%. My prenatal vitamin offers me 150% of my daily total but I dont take that until I fall asleep at night.

My protein which is super important to me as a vegetarian will come in the way of nuts, tofu and something else. Calcium will come through various organic cheeses :)

So 21 days left- cooooo :)

~36w, 6d!

latest ultrasound

2008-05-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Sooo today is a tireddd day but I have things to do- including 2 meetings at the shul. We will see how that goes! My latest ultrasound guesstimation (b/c thats what it really is- it can go either 30% up or down), is the baby is 7 lbs, 13 ozs :) :) Ha! So when the ultrasound womyn told me that, she gave me this "thats a BIG baby" look. I want a big baby. I think big babies are healthy and strong and full of life. I fully predict I will have a large child, as I am a big boned womyn and the donor is 6'0"- if I had a 5 lb baby I would be worried!

He is in the 96% for his height and weight :) Hahaa. I think its funny. I'm enjoying it. However the bigger he gets- the less likely its gonna become that I have a vaginal delivery and I would have a c-section. Which means lots of fun medical stuff.. But at least it would be planned and over within a short amount of time. It means IVs, catheters (sp?), epidurals, stitches, oxygen most likely and cutting open my abdomen. And most likely for 2nd child another c-section.

And the other question would be when? I would say he can still grow for another 2 weeks which would make me around 38ish weeks and be around 9 lbs. But since there is such a room for error- what if he is only 6 lbs now and they are measuring wrong? Ya know? I don't want go into a c-section thinking I have a big baby and doing it prematurely and then end up w/a smaller child that I could have had vaginally...

It's something to ponder. I am not sure.. but I am not exactly at that cross-roads yet, but will start letting the thought ping-pong in my brain. At this point I would say that I hope to labor naturally, which also I believe will end up with IVs, epidurals, pitocin (thats the only thing I wouldn't have if I had a c-section), catheters, etc..

So we shall see. Ahh, the processes of a medical birth.

eeeeeeekkkkkk

~36w, 4d

cooking

2008-05-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

So I am 36 weeks and 1 day and I have to say I am starting to feel like my old self again.. Not physically of course (more in a bit), but emotionally, psychologically. I think that because I can see the 'goal' and the fact that pregnancy is nearing an end, I am ready to move beyond it, with baby of course. These last couple of weeks have really been about what my life will be like after I have the baby. I feel blessed that I got to 36 weeks and will feel more blessed this upcoming Friday when I hit full-term. I don't think I am ready to give birth until after 38 weeks though. So in theory I would feel comfortable delivering in 13 days from now. Which is weird, but good b/c I am ready for the mommy part and to see my little boy grow.

My brother said the oddest yet most insightful thing tonight on the phone. He said that the 9 months of pregnancy are the longest, but the 1st year of life goes by like a flash. So I am ready. :)

I am due to attend a black tie event next Sunday night at the Aquarium downtown, so I would like to do that but really, I don't know. There is almost a peace thats going to come with the craziness of labor and delivery. Am I ready to go into a hospital and be hooked up to monitors and IVs and all of that? Its like you can either fight against it or you can just accept it and move on. I am somewhere in the middle.. But doing visualization and really accepting all the good and the bad will help me in the long run.

Physically it is tiring to be pregnant. I can't be on my feet for long periods of time, walking up/down stairs is a challenge, bending over is almost impossible... But its all only temporary for a wonderful cause! My bebe :) :)

I got a really super baby gift from my extended fam on Friday- the Eddie Bauer travel system and a 2nd bassinet. So other than the crib, I think I am mostly golden.. The real costs will be in diapering and perhaps formula (although I want to breastfeed).

So thats it for now..
~36w, 1d :D

Time fliesss

2008-05-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

So I am in week 35 and I do 2 ultrasounds a week. Today baby was rubbing his eyes when we peeked in, like we had woke him up! Soooooo cute :) Everything looked good. But I just realized this is a quiet week in terms of doctors appt, next week they do a growth check (only 2 left really until delivery), my Group B strep test/iron levels checked... So this week will be a quiet doctors week, then week 37 should be a quiet doctors week, then week 38 and 39 are cervical checks looking for dilation!

eekk- we are getting closer!!
~35 w, 4d!

Things to do w/children

2008-05-11T11:30:00.000-07:00

So last night I realized that I wanted to re-create a list that I had made when I was in LA in December abt things to do w/children. I wanted a non-TV, non-computer informal list of things I can do with a child of varying ages. One of the main reasons for this list is that I will be able to come back to it when he is older (g-d willing) and reference and utilize some of these ideas. I hope to add to this list. I believe I did this once before but since its my blog- I'm gonna do it again! :D And of course if you have any suggestions feel free to tell me so!

A- arts n' crafts, acrobatics, airplanes, aviation, animals (zoos, owning/taking care of), automobiles, astronomy, astrology
B- baking, baseball, basketball, books (reading, creating, writing), building, bowling, boy scouts, bird watching
c- cooking, crafting, canoeing, clay, collecting, cartoons (reading, creating), camping (in or out), cleaning (daily, weekly, spring), chalk (drawing, using)
d- dinosaurs, dancing, drawing, decorations (creating for holiday), dolphins (swimming with and taking care of), dress up
e- eating, entertaining (friends, family, etc), farms (animals, visiting)
f- friends, finances (saving money/doing chores), football, firetrucks (play with), film/camera (creating, making, watching)
g- gardening, goals (soccer? personal? attaining those), geology, geography, golf
h- helping mom around the house (taking care of animals), hobbies, history (learning of), hockey, helicopters
i- ice cream (creating, making), instruments
j- jack n' the box, journalism (making a house newspaper/family newspaper, giving it out), judaism
k- karate, kickball
l- listening (music?), learning, lincoln logs, legos
m- museums, music (concerts, listening, creating, playing), marbles, mozart, monopoly
n-
o- octopus (visit Aquarium)
p- playing, photography, puzzles, pirates (treasure hunts, map readings), picnics, parks, planting, police (pretending, playing, learning)
q-
r- relaxing (beach?, travel?, other forms), records (music), reading, rafting, rollerskating, rollerblading
s- sports (soccer), singing, Sunday School, social skills (working on and improving), science, scrapbooking
t- travel, tubing, tennis, trucks, trivia games, trains (actual and toy), telephone (pretending with)
u-
v- violin, viola (music lessons?),
w- watching stars (buy a star?)
x-
y- yo-yos
z- zebra (animals? adopting one?), zoos

*this is all I can think of in the moment, but I will be back w/more. I just want to make sure life isn't boring. I don't want parenthood to be a struggle or something that is just existing, I want to create life, nurture it and watch it grow. :)

Mama's Day

2008-05-10T12:21:00.001-07:00

A womyn yesterday at the grocery store wished me "Happy Mother's Day".. awww...

My first mama's day wishes :D

~35W,1d

almost 35 weeks!

2008-05-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

So I've done alot in the past week- I've gotten the carseat professionally installed. The county has a place set up in a local county govt area every Wednesday. We had a fireman working on the carseat- showing us how to move the belts, how to put a newborn in and how to install it. It was a very good lesson on the how-tos. We set up the bassinet in the nursery so its ready for him. I plan to buy a crib with my government refund and some gift cards I got- its gonna be exciting. I want one that will convert to a toddler bed :)

I am 35 weeks tomorrow, so I have been going to do ultrsounds twice a week now and will have my Group B Strep test done in 2 Thursday, also have my iron check. Then starting in 3 weeks I start having cervical checks for dilation and contractions!! But the good stuff is that I will be full term in 14 days from now.

We are actively planning the bris. We went to a local kosher like bagel place today and sat down w/a womyn and are getting a dairy meal prepared.. That should be nice and she made it not sressful which is good too :)

So really all I have left is to buy some diapers, prepare mine and his hospital bag (which I hope to do early next week), get the room a little bit more cleaned up, do one more massive shopping for baby- pacifiers, more diapers, nursing stuff, perhaps more socks/shoes.. then I'm ready :) I am trying to forsee things he will need in the future- he will need a convertible car seat in about a year. Obviously his eating habits will change when he is 6-7 monthsish, so I want to get one of those books about how to make organic babyfood.

I still have to go through labor and delivery and whatnot, but its reassuring to see him on ultrasound. All looks good when I go and if I can keep him cookin' for another 2 weeks I will be cool to deliver after that :) So thats not to shabby- 14 more days and he will be full term. My baby!!! I got to see him practice breathing on the ultrasound today.. Coollll huh?? :)

~34w, 6d :)

34 weeks

2008-05-02T13:18:00.001-07:00

Just had the coolest ultrasound today and saw the baby suck his thumb!!! Soooo cute :) :) :) He put his hands to his mouth then down again. My baby is a real boy! :)

33 1/2 weeks :)

2008-04-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

So I have been going every week for a non stress test and an ultrasound to monitor baby due to my pregnancy induced hypertension (which I hope will go away after I have baby) but now they want me in for 2 ultrasounds/week and no non stress test anymore. I spoke to the midwife for a while, who awesomely listened to everything I had to say and answered all my questions, and she basically said that its something you monitor. I am high risk b/c of the hypertension and it needs to be monitored.. Its a delicate balance in the 3rd trimester btwn what mama and baby needs. I like the fact that I get to see baby that much more each week- but its a royal pain in the tush to go to so many appts. But it won't last forever and one needs to do what one needs to do. This practice is so much better than my old one in terms of location, size and parking!

So the baby is doing well, they just want to make sure that he does everything he should while I have this hypertension. Woohoo. I can't believe that I am going to be 34 weeks pregnant on Friday. I only have 6 weeks left! And it's May on Thursday marking my last official full month of being pregnant. I am ready to be not pregnant- I just want my baby to fully "cook" before he joins the world! :)

I think that labor and delivery seems more realistic and less scary as time goes on b/c the baby has to come out and you really want to meet baby.. Also I want to start using his name in public- I say it to him privately but I am starting to want to use it in sentences and stuff but I find that I have to stop myself. Hopefully I will be able to put it off for another 6 1/2 weeks- we shall see! ;)

32 1/2 weeks!

2008-04-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

So now that I am high-risk and have pregnancy induced hypertension (that seems to have gotten under control with the meds I am taking)- I get to see the OB twice a week. On Monday's I get to go for something call a NST- a non stress test, they strap these 2 monitors to my big belly, one monitors contractions, the other monitors baby's heartrate. They are looking for kicks and movement that raises then lowers the heartrate by a certain amount. It doesn't hurt at all and you get to see your baby's heartbeart (well hear) for 30 mins while it records all the goings on.

So my child never kicks when they want him too- it doesn't mean there is something wrong, they just want to make sure he can do everything and kicks appropriately and the baby responds correctly. So he doesn't kick like they want him too, he's just not a big kicker- I don't know what to do abt that- he just doesn't. So then they make me come back for a biophysical which is also called an ultrasound. SO they did one this morning and I am measuring at 35 weeks, 1 day and they think the baby weighs 5lbs, 5oz!!! I have a little man in my belly!!!!

I was happy to hear that, I rather be larger than smaller- he's following after mama's footsteps. But he always passes the biophysical and he is faced down (meaning not breeched) and who knows- he could be getting ready to be born! The thing is even though he might be a bit larger (94 percentile for his age group), he still needs to grow internally at the right pace- nervous system, lung functioning, brain, etc... So we want him to stay still for a bit longer- another month or so, and then I would be more comfy if he wanted to come out.

My mid-wife said that if the baby grows to like 9 1/2 lbs they would offer me a c-section (also the ultrasound tech was like "your baby has a big head!")... and really, I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I would miss most of labor (presuming I don't labor naturally before due date) and it would be so much quicker, but I don't want to have surgery if I don't need to.. And it would be scheduled, so things could be much more planned for.

But as of this moment, no changes have been made, just a big baby- which makes me very happy- good, hearty stock!! After all both the donor father and I are of russian heritage- which makes for good strong people! Hehe!

&&&& I bought my bassinet yesterday and we are gonna make great progress on nursery this weekend! Woohooooooo :) :) :) :)

Childbirth class, nursery

2008-04-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

So I didn't update as quickly as I wanted abt the childbirth class - but here I am! It was about 5 hrs, we heard a talk by a peditrican, a cord blood bank rep and saw a couple of videos abt the stages of labor, and some breathing techniques. One of the midwifes in my practice led it, and mom and I sat in the front row so we got to ask any question that came to our mind easily! I would say there was abt 50 people there, so it was good that we sat in the front row! I really want to learn more/focus on breathing and focal points, and just get some more of that down. I have been reading some literature on the breathing stuff- deep breaths, hee- hees (where you kind of put your teeth together and breathe through them) during labor and whatnot. I plan to bring a small photo album with strong pictures in them that will take my mind off of labor and onto other things. We shall see if that works!

I got a happy belated hanukkah present from Ames yesterday for me and bebe! It was 2 Thanksgiving bibs (tres cute!!) and a gift card from Babies R'Us!!! I loved it- thanks!!! I can't remember if I thanked the jeanie/adamz on here abt their gift- but they got me a Rainforest bouncer and that rocks too! Thanks :)

We are starting to set up the nursery and I have to tell you its weird feeling!!!! I mean I have been buying things here and there for a while now, but now its like I am creating a space for another human being to live in- talk abt expectations- I am going to be a mother, a parent, someone who for the rest of their life is going to be looking to me for support, knowledge, guidance, etc.. Very overwhelming but good.

So, its quite a trip this pregnancy thing. And its a long one, but I think it's important to have. Also I think there seems to be several myths surrounding pregnancy. I have had a number of friends mentioning sickness during pregnancy "Oh I hope you aren't to sick" "or I hope baby isnt making you sick." One doesn't really get sick during pregnancy. I mean sickness means an illness and generally your body doesn't have that- generally your body just preps itself for baby. So some womyn experience nausea first trimester- but not all. I didn't.. It's really if your mother did, and mine didn't. I had a couple of moments for sure that I thought I was gonna puke, but I didn't.. I mostly had tiredness this pregnancy. I mean every body, and every baby is completely different. So there is no one way during pregnancy...

Just thought I would leave you with that!!

~31 weeks, 3 days!

Childbirth class

2008-04-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

So I attend my first childbirth class tomorrow and hit 31 weeks! Woohoo :) It will be with a midwife from my practice and it should be interesting- I will update tomorrow and tell you all abt it! :)

Pic #1

2008-04-10T19:04:00.001-07:00

Enjoy!!!

~30 weeks, 5 days!

TV, Hendrix & nursery

2008-04-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I have been thinking more about the having TV, not having the TV thing and I had been waivering but I am back to the minimal TV thing.. I rather enjoy and find exciting the possibility of having to think outside the TV box! There is so much to do in this short life of ours and I am eager to start experiencing it... So partly being realistic and realizing that my child will see TV at grandma/grandpas, aunt/uncles- I get that, but when at home we will majorly just live life doing other things. TV/videos are a rainy day type of activity. But I am def. up for the challenge of doing and living life.

Now Hendrix- I am starting to think about labor and delivery and what I am going to focus on while I am there to get me through contractions, etc. I am going to bring a series of pictures and music that hopefully will distract me during contractions and provide some fun brain candy during my stay at the hospital. I am really going into this prepared. I hope to in the next 2 weeks or so start making up my hospital bag and find some really awesome stuff to bring w/me. A womyn told me a story about how she brought a ship with many sails and she said by the time she counted all the sails on the ship her contraction was over. And I thought that was brilliant so I plan to do the same. More on that later..

So I/we are starting to clear this room to prepare for an eventual nursery! How exciting!! yayyyyy :) We are moving out the old and putting in the new (or rather changing furniture around the house that can be utilized in different ways).. which I love reusing things b/c its so great and just makes the world a more functional place- less material footprint type of thing. I will take pics as the room unfolds. We started moving a bookcase today and hopefully this weekend will do some serious moving of stuff around.

I have pics! That I will post tomorrow :) Be on the look out!

They moved my due date by 2 days.. So I am now due June 14th.. So my new week starts every Saturday.

SO I am technically 30 weeks and 3 days today!! ta-ta!

30 weeks tomorrow- eeek!

2008-04-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

So my aunt/cousin soooo lovingly decided to give me their bassinet (w/mattress- which you are always supposed to check expiration dates), another infant car seat, and some blankets w/toys for future baby! That makes me happy- papa and I go on Friday to pick it up from their house.

Now I know I have alot of pics to show and I promised a belly shot.. But since I only have a cell phone camera to use the pictures are somewhat smaller and hard to tell.. but I will try!

Here is the baby book I had as a child and I found an extra copy of:

Here is a belly pic- enjoy!

~29 weeks, 6 days!

a mellow Sunday

2008-03-30T12:10:00.001-07:00

Well, here I sit, still battling a cold (with coughs) at 29weeks and 4days! I have had this darn cold for about 2 weeks now. So I am excited about hitting 30 weeks on Thursday. Its kinda just a little pick me up that I will be 7 1/2 months pregnant. I think the more and longer I am pregnant the more its just this intense experience that you really have to pace yourself for. I have been having days that have left me exhausted and other days that I am doing well. I have had a bit of swelling around my ankles but none on my hands, so me thinks that its alot of just water retention.

I started the pre-stuff for an eventual nursery. I took out alot of baby/child focused videos (including all my Disney vids) and Mr. Rogers tapes out. My goal this week (perhaps on Friday) is to start cleaning all the clothes (I bought baby laundry detergent- EXPENSIVE- but worth it in the beginning :) :) and sorting them for now. We have this great open wire draw thing that would make a fab diaper changing table and a great sorter for different clothes. So thats my goal later this week and I really need to make a list of what I need and how to get it. We ran into a bunch of family this weekend and one has a slightly bigger than a bassinet to give me and something else so that should be good. But I will make a more detailed list when I know!

I had been searching for a baby book and I was rummaging through my father's library and I found an extra baby book that my parents didn't use after they had us kids.. While it looks slightly 70sish, its never been used!!! And its Jewish based so thats good :) I am also gonna borrow my Dad's new digital camera and take real pictures for the baby book.

So I think thats the latest for now.. Just pacing myself, not overdoing it, taking all my meds and vitamins and just being!! :)

~29weeks, 4 days!

blood pressure

2008-03-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I am officially 'high risk' b/c I have high blood pressure. Woohoo. I had a temporary blood pressure scare early on in the pregnancy so I had a feeling it was coming, and now its back! It mostly means that I have to be on meds twice a day and am monitored more closely for the rest of the pregnancy including but not limited to non stress tests (where you lay down for 20 mins and they monitor baby's heartrate) and more ultrasounds. I had one last week and the baby looked good :) So I think that was my main concern and I am kinda glad I get to see him more often towards the end of the pregnancy.

Its basically a wait and see game now, but my feeling is each hour I can keep this child in the womb and healthy, then its an hr well spent. Its been a bit of a mind game trying to not try to accomplish and not even thinking of trying to accomplish things in general. I really just need to sit back, put my feet up and wait it out. Its like when you are pregnant, your mind, body and pregnant belly are all on different paths. One wants to do this, the other this and the 3rd being like "yo womyn you need to chillax." So I am trying to listen to my pregnant belly and just chillax for a bit. But I have alot of nervous energy that needs to go somewhere!! So one day at a time.

7 months tomorrow :)

2008-03-19T09:52:00.001-07:00

So I have a cold :( my first in this pregnancy. It's not a cold yet though I must say, just a stuffy nose! And I get to go on air today with it! woohoo!! Just wanted to update about new occurences, my belly is starting to change shapes. One day its rounder, the other days it more vertical. Me thinks that its the baby moving around and trying to get comfortable. In terms of word usage, around week 32, I am officially going to change from "bebe" to baby in my language and then around week 37I will start officially using "my son." Although I am bit hesitant until baby is actually born, but bebe is considered full term at 37 so we shall go from there.. I have other "week goals" for myself.

Week 30-31- Start washing all clothes I got for bebe/ sorting them into bins
Week 32-33- Purchase bassinet, start putting bebe's room together
Week 34-35- Start on bebe book (including printing out this blog and putting it in book format)
Week 36-37- Purchase stroller, diapers, rocker, more clothes, finish making bebe room pretty
Week 38-40- Freak out appropriately and enjoy my last bits of sleep!

All subject to change of course as I feel that I am going to be delivering early. But, I went to Thai food w/my dad last night and he got a fortune cookie that said "Three months from today will be an important day" which of course made us think that the bebe will be born June 18th (when the Estimated Due Date (EDD) is June 12th/13th). So we shall see!!

~27 weeks, 6 days- 7 months tomorrow!!

midwife

2008-03-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

So I just watched "the Business of Being Born" which is a documentary abt the goodness of home birth and the badness of hospitals. It was very moving and very compelling and very like "womyn can do it- its natural- don't make it bad."

It was interesting. I am fortunate to go to a OB/GYN practice that has both midwives/doctors in equal numbers. I was going to have a doula but it looks like I haven't really taken up the lead on that one- but we shall see. So, if I use a midwife then they are less likely to make me want to do drugs. But I will still be in a hospital setting and most likely doing things I don't want to do. But, I don't know.. I have to sign all these legal forms for the hospital basically giving them consent to do whatever they want. I mean I hope to labor as long as I can at home until contractions are 10 minutes apart I believe... Then head to the hospital.

My thing currently is I hate the idea of IVs. I don't like 'em. I don't want 'em.. If I can have my baby delivered safely, then why do I need to have drugs fed to me through my blood?? So I am working on that emotionally and mentally. We shall see what turns up.

So tis it, I freaking can't believe I will be considered full term in 9 weeks and 3 days. I mean the time is just slowly melting away. Somewhere deep inside expects me to deliver early- I don't know why. But I just kinda feel it. I think thats why I am counting the way I am.

So thats my latest prediction: early delivery. We shall see what happens!! About once/week now I have been going by my nearest Super Target (which is about 2 mins from my house) and stocking up on great little boy clothes in the discount area. Makes me feel somewhat more prepared. Now I just need a bassinet, stroller, diapers and I think I am ready for the first 3 months of baby.

:) ~27 weeks, 3 days!

27 weeks

2008-03-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

I thought I would show a picture of 27 weeks! I have my next OB appt next Monday I believe-

I will try to update on Sunday when I hit 3rd trimester :)

Hospital Tour

2008-03-08T18:34:00.000-08:00

Well I am now 26 weeks and 2 days preggers. I took a tour of the Womyn's Center in which I will be both laboring and delivering. It was a bit overwhelming in the beginning, but as we started going around I have to say each fear- I think the fear of the unknown- kinda melted away. It was reallllyyyy warm and nice and friendly and we saw babies.. They have snack rooms, warm blanket centers, DVD/VHS/CD players in each room.. It was just weird and kinda cool and scary at the same time to think that I will be spending the most 48 most intense hours of my life in that building, in those rooms, and g-d willing coming out w/a beautiful bebe boy :)

My mama came with me, but there was another womyn there who didn't have a partner (she said her husband was busy), and others. But really you are just caught up in you during that time. You are so picturing yourself in those hospital rooms, watching the contractions, feeling it all or not (yay epidurals!) and just going at it.

I am pretty confident at this point I am going to be working with a midwife, as half of my new practice has midwives, so thats good. I am hoping on Monday to sign up for a Childbirth 5hr class thingie w/these same midwives. So it will be great to be studying from the same ladies who will be there for the birth.

When one is pregnant 37 weeks is considered full term.. I will 37 weeks in 10 weeks and 5 days, so really time is coming to a close. I have to also fill out my birthing plan and pre-admission form this week and send it to the hospital. My goal is also in about 3-4 weeks to make my hospital bag up, plan bebe's first outfit, buy things that I haven't gotten yet (bottles, pacifiers, diapers, bassinet, etc) and just get ready. Also on the legal front I plan to get life insurance this summer, as they require a physical and I don't want to do that while I am pregnant- to much stress..And I know that I need to create some sort of will, another subject that I will broach emotionally/mentally in the next couple of weeks.

And lastly, HELLO 3rd trimester... Literally 1 week from tomorrow begins my 3rd trimester (27 weeks, and 3 days).

So thats all the news for now!!

the results

2008-02-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I know that you were eagerly awaiting the results from my gestational diabetes test and here they are....

I am...

NORMAL :) :) No Gest. Diabetes for me!!! :) The nurse totally made my day when she came back with the results. I had been worried about that one for a while, but it looks like it wasn't meant for me! Thank G-ddess, thats all I can really say. It would have been quite a psychological hurdle to have to draw my blood multiple times a day while in the last trimester of my pregnancy. As it is I am already starting to feel achy in certain parts of my lower belly as the baby gets bigger- and I know I will only get bigger from here!

I am now 24 weeks, 5 days and 25 weeks is just around the corner. I have trouble bending over to pick something up from the ground, have an achy lower right side of my belly.. I mostly suspect that from growth AND bending over alot when I was moving.. And thats another thing-

I have moved to Atlanta to be w/my family for these last couple of months and beginning of baby and thus far its been good. They are literally doing all the heavy lifting and I get to just sit and be uncomfy and bear it all. But, no, its a good thing- I def. think this was a wise decision for me and baby. Also G-d willing there will be a bris in which alot of my family who already lives here won't have far to drive to attend it.

But I can't believe I will hit my 3rd trimester in 16 days. My 3rd trimester. Then my son comes (g-d willing again of course). My son.. and thats it. I'm a parent. A mama. Forever and always till death do us part. And I will always be a Jewish mama! I guess in someways that is what I was destined to be along with an political historian. But there are so many doubts on the way to parenthood, but I think in the end, its all about raising the child in the best way you can possible. I don't think its about the money or the fancy this and that, its about being there when your child needs you- because thats the greatest contribution you can give to the world and of course your greatest legacy. Of course I say this all pre-screaming baby :) But I think those are my feelings for now.

And thank g-ddess no more blood testing for pregnancy until around 35 weeks when I think they do the Group B Strep test. I believe that determines if you need special meds while delivering (which is really the biggest prenatal test of all!).

:) ~24w,5d

Baby stuff!

2008-02-23T19:07:00.000-08:00

So I had a super fun baby day today! At my synagogue they gave me a goodbye cake and got me these cute little things- a photo album, a photo frame and a really cute burlap giraffe height chart thing. Then I went to dinner with some awesome grad school friends (yay Ashley and Eric!) and they got me a highchair/booster and a Winnie the Pooh boy's outfit!! Tres cute!

I love it! The great thing about it is that it's portable and will eventually convert to a booster seat! Thanks again! :) :)

Pic

2008-02-22T19:04:00.000-08:00

Here's my latest belly pic- well from about 3 days ago.. So I would say 23 weeks and 5 days at this point:

Test over

2008-02-21T19:25:00.001-08:00

So I took the gestational diabetes test today. I had kinda psyched myself up, then relaxed myself about it. I slept late today, I ate all proteins and basically very low sugars, got to my appt early and took the test. I had to drink this super sugary fruit punch that had a bad aftertaste in about 5 minutes, then I had to wait an hour then they took a bit of blood. Then I did my blood pressure and it was the lowest its ever been!!!! 118/80! I was like "no way!" But way. So I had a major sugar crash like an hour or two later and I was like "must eat solid foods now." And I did. And then all was well. I get the results tomorrow or Monday!

~24w today!

Gest. Diabetes

2008-02-19T19:38:00.000-08:00

So this Thursday I have my Glucose testing done to see if I have gestational diabetes... Its a 1 hr test in which you have to drink some sugary suggarryyy drink and then wait an hour and have a blood test, then they tell you a day or two later if you need to come back for a more intensive 3 hr test. Then I am going to have a final check-over with this OB and I will let everyone know how it goes!!

~23weeks, 5 days!

note

2008-02-16T15:15:00.000-08:00

Well as I approach the 6th month mark in 5 days, I am just very content. I am still very much vibing off this preggerness thing. So today for the first time I was compiling some important documents for my son, and I wrote him a little note. It was more of an insurance type of thing for me, if I am not able to be there when he needs this information- he will have it. And I spoke to my soon to be born son and I left him a bit of our legacy and it was really beautiful.

Being a mother of a son who was conceived via donor insemination presents a set of challenges and rewards in general. And I was given what I believe was a bit of a reward today. I know that my child has 2 half-brothers somewhere in America who were conceived via the same donor. And one of them is 2 1/2 yrs old and the mother emailed me and said that he is a happy boy with a good sense of humor. So that was nice to hear, as I believe I have a good sense of humor and hopefully this child will as well. So as pregnancy is long, its good to get those little 'billboards' along the journey telling you whats coming up.. and I did!!

So I got to hear about the temperment of his half-brother AND I wrote him a note.. all in all a good day.

:) :) :) ~23weeks and 2days preggers

my 1yr anni

2008-02-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

So 1 yr ago today, I took my first steps into the fertility office that gave me this preggerness. I had a meeting with the doctor, then the nurse, and was told all the steps I would need to go through in order to get pregnant. This is what I wanted, and I was going to do what was necessary to get there. I had do initial bloodwork, meet with a counselor (required of all patients using a fertility doctor), start monitoring my cycles, and other technical stuff. So 1 yr ago today I started my journey, and here I am 23 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I have to tell you other than a turbulent first trimester, its gone rather smoothly. It did take me a couple of months to get pregnant, but looking back it was hard and it made me doubt myself at point and the 2 week wait is horrible! But in the end I think makes you appreciate your pregnancy even more.

Pregnancy is like this fragile existence. Anything can disrupt it- so you just lay low, don't overexert yourself to much and try to ride it out doing the best you can and still surviving. I am moving in about a week and a half and thats going to take alot of physical energy. I am doing my best to all the prepwork for it, so that the actual day of the move, it won't be so stressful. And having my mama come on Monday will help get everything ready to go and packed up. But my main goal in all of that is just to breathe, take care of my pets and do the best thing I can for my baby... Better to move in the 2nd trimester, then the 3rd- for sure!

Since actual pregnancy is a small part of a womyn's life, I do want to savor these moments. Drink up the sweetness, breathe in the realities, and just happily exist. I have def. been feeling more movement down there.. But it's not consistent yet.. I will get great spurts from him and feel him moving all over, then like nothing for a day or two, then movement again- my guess is that as he gets bigger I will feel him more.. As my natural padding is buffering some of his kicks..

But yay- tis it for now- Happy 1 yr anni to me! :)

22 weeks, 5 days

2008-02-12T11:38:00.001-08:00

On Thursday (g-d willing), I will enter into my 23rd week of pregnancy. And seeing how the 2nd trimester is only 27 weeks I will have begun my initial descent into 3rd trimester. Pregnancy is a long, wonderous experience and will I have just reached the peak of the pregnancy and begun to work my way down, I find it humbling, awe-inspiring and currently- a bit normal. The turbulent first trimester brings hormones, body changes, confusion, tiredness, sometimes sickness, and a strong faith that everything will work out. The 2nd trimester brings somewhat of a cruise control of pregnancy- you sit back, hope that everything maintains course, you feel like your oldself again and start seeing some life happening in your body...

What the 3rd will bring- who knows? I have yet to experience that joy and miracle. In the last 48 hours I have begun to feel some major movement, my bebe was breech but I feel that he isnt any longer.. There was a ton of movement going on last night this morning and I don't feel the same hard bump at the top anymore.. perhaps he has moved??

So here is a pic from 22 weeks from babycenter.com- just so everyone knows what the bebe looks like now (g-d willing):

Gifts

2008-02-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

Awww, so in the last 24 hrs I have started to get baby presents!! Yesterday I went to Shabbat dinner at this family I babysat for and they gave me their gently used infant car seat (1 needs 2 carseats- 1 for infants, then 1 for older babies/toddlers), lots of little boy clothes and 1 brand new baby outfit (soooo cute!). Then today at shul I got some gender neutral clothes, plus Rachel HS (;)) sent me my first baby registry gift!! awww- thanks Rach! It's a baby carrier- so baby can snuggle up close to you while you are grocery shopping :)

It kinda looks like this:

Then Rachel got me this:

Tress tresss cute! Yay bebe :)

Eating and months

2008-02-06T14:34:00.001-08:00

First I would like to address the eating alot thing as a pregnant womyn. If I go more than 2 hours w/out food or a drink, I start starving. I don't know if this is partially what I think I am supposed to feel or it is actually what I feel. I need to eat multiple large quantities of various food- stuff and then in btwn small quantities of food to keep up with myself. I was up late last night watching the California poll numbers come in and it just hit me that I was starving. I feel like I am one of those pregnant ladies you see on those TV commercials raiding the kitchen in the middle of the night. It was really interesting.

So tomorrow I am 22 weeks aka 5 1/2 months pregnant!!!! I went to my OB appt today and feel like an old hand at this. I know the procedure etc. I have to take my glucose test in about 2 weeks and have a final "everything" checkover with this OB before I move on to a new one. I am not sure what she is gonna check out, but I guess better to be safe than sorry- by that point I will be 24 weeks aka 6 months pregnant. I asked her about tests after that and she said well I guess the next big stuff is around 35 weeks and beyond. I was like "wow 35 weeks.. thats 5 weeks before you are due!" And even though thats 3 months away, I realized time is a flyin'. I feel like I am still back in the beginning of pregnancy and wondering about home pregnancy tests and blood betas and etc... and here I am discussing the end of pregnancy.

I love being pregnant. I can say this now as I am in the "honeymoon" stage of pregnancy- the 2nd trimester. Hormones have evened out, I'm not to big yet, I can still function quite normally and I walk around with my hand atop my hardening belly.. I can see why womyn want to do this more than once :) But I am glad that I went today and hopefully will get through the hurdle of the glucose test and will move beyond all that...

:)

21 weeks, 6 days with a bebe boy :)

From the mouth of babes

2008-02-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

Well there was alot of meaningless chatter at one of the synagogues I work at on how I would tell my students I was pregnant. They weren't okay when they found out I was pregnant without a husband/boyfriend b/c they thought it was a one night stand- BUT when they found out I was a Single Mother by Choice, they suddenly bowed down and were like "anything we can do for you- its yours!"- not really, but a sudden change of thought.

So I had to prepare a special email that was attached to a principal's email, and it was sent to the parents... Fast forward to today when I told my students.. Ready?

"I just want to tell you that I am pregnant with a baby boy..." I go on to talk about how I am leaving and there will be a new teacher, etc, etc... So what questions was I peppered with??? Ones about the birds and the bees? Being without a husband?

No :) Here are the questions I got verbatim:

1) When a chicken lays an egg, does it have to go to the hospital?
2) What happens when a chicken is sick- where does it go?

Mind you I didn't mention either chickens or being sick :)

So allll the meaningless worry was for not! I was like "hmm, we aren't talking about chickens right now." ;) It was fun... it was really cute actually.

Right place, right time

2008-02-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

Well I found myself in a very interesting position this morning. But before I tell you that, let me back up a little- ever since I found out I was having a boy (a little over a week ago), I have been asking boys of all ages, some random, some not about the things they liked to do as a little boy... All really in an attempt to understand these little fetus that is growing so rapidly in my body. So this morning after a week of introspection and talking to various people and getting a better idea.. I find myself teaching 4 boys at Junior Congregation this morning all ranging from 5-7- my target audience! These boys are still in the polite stages, not to crazy, haven't fully grasped their independence yet and still love their mamas. So we had about 15 minutes left of class and they were playing legos and I said "sooo I am having a boy, and I want suggestions of what fun things you guys do at home when you aren't watching TV." And I got some great suggestions.

I got book titles, boy scouts recommendations, car racing events, legos/building, etc..Most of it I had a pretty good idea, but it was nice to see actual boys and what they enjoy doing.. Even though boy scouts has a thing against gay people, I feel like its the military thing "Dont ask, don't tell" and while I am not ready to wrestle with those politics, I want my son to learn some good survival skills in an open-air environment. And depending upon where I live there might even be a Jewish Boy Scouts group, so that would be even better!

Since there will be no TV in my house, we are going to have to work hard to come up with alternatives that fun, safe, interactive, engaging, etc.

The way I process life is that there is an idea presented to me, I rebel, then when I have had enough time to process it on my own I accept it and work to get whatever it is. So having said that.. Here's a belly shot!! I took it w/my cellphone.. and its kinda hard to see but here it is :)

My ticka!

2008-01-31T16:40:00.000-08:00